and then there were three...

A New Place

2009-07-11T00:41:00.007+08:00

I feel there is no excuse for not writing. The last entry was in last January 2009 --that has been quite a while I almost forgot the password to this space. I had wanted to resume writing after the shift to our new home last August 9^th, but alas, alas, we haven't got the internet connection yet.

Raed Zikry has been growing at a fast rate. It seems that he was just learning to roll or crawl yesterday but M & I know how blessed we are to have him with us. He learned to walk by the 11 month, and now at 13 month old, he's begun to learn some words such as “clock”, “car”, “tidor”, “ayah”, and understand some basic commands. My favourite is "Siapa nama Raed angkat tangan?" and so he will raise both his arms in the air in full anticipation from us. Another favorite is when we say "Group huugg...!" and he will come to us to be in our embrace.

The Ramadan month is here with us. I just cannot help remembering that I was living with my in-laws at Senja Road during last Ramadan. And while couples got married on National Day, M and I moved into our very own new flat that Sunday 9 August. That was such a milestone in our lives and we thank all our family members (especially) M's side with the assistance.

The night before, (Saturday) at the new flat, we had a little Quran reading session with the help of my parents, eldest sister and her 3 children, my eldest brother and my FIL. I felt happy to be able to carry out this little piece of advice from my father. Moving in can be a difficult transition -- we are still coping with how best to adapt to the new home. Raed, especially, displayed behaviours that initially got us worried. I’ve never seen him so clingy before -- he would follow us whenever we go about in the house and demand our attention. But Alhamdulillah, he’s beginning to warm-up to the new environment.

The past week had seen us busy consolidating our belongings from the boxes we packed. I never thought we had all that possessions from a single room, not counting the items packed from my bachelor room at Woodlands – I’m beginning to think how to start afresh. For a start, I have so many books, and its about time to let go some of the attachments. Let me think.

Seven Deadly Anxiety List

2009-01-03T10:10:00.004+08:00

Ok let's get paranoid and destabilise for a moment. This is my 2009 New Year Seven Deadly Anxiety list.

1. Raed Zikry is growing fast and he's a bundle of energy -- sometimes I wonder if old me would be able to keep up.

2. The place @ in-laws is getting a bit restricted for the three of us. Doesn't help that I'm always thinking of our home which would only be ready in the 3rd qtr of this year.

3. Sharing my reading list with M -- which may be a bit too much for my luv since I want the both of us to discover new possibilities "together-gether".

4. I've been putting creative writing on hold since leaving TeleTech. The itch gets bigger and I've yet to crank up a decent paragraph or verse. Fatherhood is not an excuse.

5. Putting on hold no. 2 --- resume guitar lessons or practice it, and taking up an art skill at NAFA. Again, fatherhood is not an excuse. And I'm done with academics, not going to take my masters. Ptui!!

6. Changes at the workplace -- a new boss. Actually I'm really liking this a lot, what being a OD practioner and as a change agent.

7. My colleague is hurt with a back injury --- please have a speedy recovery, Insya'Allah... I'm hoping we can do much mayhem together at the workplace.

Since 6 months ago...

2009-01-01T01:37:00.006+08:00

So much has happened in our lives that I can't begin to start, or describe what's happened since. The absence from blogging, not withstanding, hadn't made me any more motivated to write; it has made me realised that I have not been doing any justice maintaining it -- that's even worse. But the heart has a special way of assuaging my lack of constancy in blogging and it tells me that I am simply consumed with my new role as a father. And so at this unearthly hour, when Raed Zikry is sleeping next to me, (in the middle) and with M at the other side of the bed, I think I can spare a few good minutes; at least for the new year, writing this down. So here goes.

I think I can begin this entry by stating that Marriage Life Can Be Tough!, but hey I'm not complaining. Though we've stumbled upon some very difficult family times, I am thankful that M was there with me to weather it all. We had some rough patches indeed, urgh! and those were life lessons for me to try to be a better person. Sometimes I have a feeling that M may be surprised by my certain behaviours which were no doubt non-existent before we were married, and I've even commented in jest that the man she is married to is no longer 'the same' person. M could only concur with much humour at my confession! Haha... I love you sayang...!

Coming back from work is always something I look forward to nowadays. My thoughts on how the baby is doing or what his developments are for the day would always be in my mind. No longer a workaholic -- ! I try to cram in everything during office hours and log off immediately! And after I fetch M from her workplace, one of the topics we'd have in the car-ride home will be about the baby. Yes, that's how it has been like for the past few months. Some pics below.

Tiny Soles

2008-07-26T00:50:00.007+08:00

Mushy ahead.

One of the favorite things I'd like to do now is look at him and try to spot a faint smile or grin on his face. And so, on many occasion then, when my time permits, I'd standby my handphone to catch that priceless moment. Apparently I'm not fast enough because before I knew it, there it was, yet again, a fleeting smile. Each encounter has brought both M and I much fuzziness in our hearts and we'd always concur that he had either dreamt of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) or was teased by an angel.

Last night I took a pic of his feet. And as I held his tender feet against the lines and creases of experience of my palm a sense of wonderment crept up in me. I felt his tender vulnerability of it all and my desire to protect and shelter him at that moment was rather strong. I thought it was silly of me to be feeling that way when mothers all over the world would experience similar if not much more intense and complex feelings when breastfeeding their infants.

And so this is how fathers connect to their infant at this stage. We're sometimes if not all the times, relegated to 'other' tasks and I'm not surprise some fathers may have breastfeed envy. Haha...

Tiny sole shall walk the Right path. Insya'Allah.

Your Own Terms

2008-07-26T00:36:00.000+08:00

Our baby is 25 days old and I’ve come to the conclusion that I still know little about babies despite all that heavy reading on motherhood, parenting and forum traipsing I’ve done prior and after his entrance. It’s a complete thing gathering all that information and trying to make sense of advice and anecdotes from parents who’ve been there to let’s say changing a diaper and burping him after feed. Doing it actually involves a certain fortitude and awareness that you are after all trying to raise a child on YOUR OWN TERMS and not relate or get stressed so much about what you’ve just read or heard from friends or relatives.

I told M that this experience is ours completely and there is only so much opinion and advice out there we can follow through or even consider. The last thing we need is parenting out of anxiety because so and so thought it would be best to do this and that for the baby. My response to this is to take these extraneous advice/opinions with a pinch of salt and decide on our own terms. And when we do decide on our own terms, let’s go for it wholeheartedly, luv. Too many clichéd incidences that happened since Raed was born I shan’t write about those. Even when M was pregnant with Raed her colleagues had a million things to say. Most were opinions poorly veiled as advice.

Raed Zikry says, ‘Leave my parents alone!’

Hello World!

2008-07-02T19:26:00.005+08:00

My little boy is finally here. Alhamdulillah. After so much anxiety and trepidation in the delivery room I've come to the moment when M's labour pain was simply too much for me to empathise. It was heart wrenching but M went through it like all mothers had done in order to bring their children to this world. At times I was feeling a bit helpless as I stayed beside her during the heightened contractions. And that moment too I knew how brave and resolute M was. I am deeply indebted to her for carrying the child from conception to birth and making me a proud father.

It all began when M started to experience a series of contractions the day before. The intensity rose at nightime about 11pm and when she bled. After much discussion about whether it was indeed a show we decided to that it was time to head to the hospital. We reached the hospital at about midnight and was soon warded to the delivery suite. The next few hours soon reached its apex. We were about to become parents and when our gynae and the midwife coached us in the delivery room; that had got to be one of the most intense moments in our life.

Raed Zikry Bin Redzuan was born on the 1st July 2008 @ 8.14am

Gratitude

2008-06-01T20:10:00.002+08:00

The last entry was in December 2007. How terribly ill-disciplined I've been.

So much has happened and I think that all has to do with our first pregnancy. Subhan'Allah how amazed I am with this development in our life, and trully blessed too. On a more personal note, nothing makes me feel more resolute than having this baby. And the anticipation of the days leading to the birth is totally the sweetest things in life.

I witness my wife's physical transformation and feel the baby's kicks and movement in her belly, and I thought of the baby's dreamy peaceful state of existence and how he is deeply aware of the sounds coming from his mummy's heartbeat, the intimate and sometimes funny conversation the three of us have at night when the lights are off, the prayers I whisper at my wife's belly, the 99 names of Allah song we play to him, the soothing guitar music of J.S. Bach and Ferdinand Sor, all these... subhan'Allah give me such a warm feeling inside. And I think of nothing but gratitude for His blessings.

Let Me Take a Step Back to Recall That Moment

2007-12-22T23:01:00.000+08:00

I wish I could do more to lighten some of the pregnancy trappings M's been going through. Alas, alas, as a husband I'm only permitted to do so much. And I'm continually amazed me to see her coping bravely with her body changes et al, and all that come along with it. Her bump is still small but in the privacy of our room I can see it clearly. Subhan'Allah.

Actually I'm rather hesitant to pen all this because it's too early, but I don't want to lose the memory of that day when M showed me the kit result at Interlaken. M already suspected it before we left for Rome and had spoken about it. But the aloof me kept the whole episode in check. That blue thingy (below picture) she placed on the bed in the hotel room put me in a whole different mood and I couldn't contain myself any longer. I was so elated -- I think that word should adequately describe my feelings at the time!

And so the first thing we did when we got back home 14 November was to visit a doctor. There were some scares initially as the trip, especially coming back from Rome was tough on her, but Alhamdulillah, nothing serious. M, now into her 13th week is beginning to learn more about her own body and her own limitations and her state of mind, and her husband's worries and resolute.

At Jungfroujoch.

Swiss & Rome Memories

2007-11-25T23:40:00.001+08:00

Swiss Escape

2007-11-14T23:48:00.000+08:00

Just got back from our Swiss holidays today. We also managed to squeeze in a 2-night stay in Rome, the highlight however is the 6 days 5 nights free & easy Switzerland trip where we visted places such Interlaken, Luzern and Zurich. The Switzerland landscape is truly amazing. I'm just left in awe of it all because the closest sensory I got to such places was in the movies. Here are some pics from my O2.

The train ride to Jungfraujoch from Interlaken OST. The train ascending to Jungfraujoch. It was already snowing and the mountain cliffs were pure whiteness!

M finally gets her Swiss holiday wish. At the hotel in Interlaken, we finally got our own "wish". We've been monitoring but did not really made a big deal of it -- the confirmation at Interlaken was what we've been praying for. The pair gloves which I bought from the souvenir shop at the mountain top. They replaced the woolly ones I got from Singapore.

1st Syawal and Unconditional Love

2007-10-16T13:30:00.001+08:00

This is the 4th of Syawal and has been quite the Eidulfitri for us. I was raking my brain on how we shall celebrate the first day of Raya. It’s a big deal for me because I don’t want to mess it up. One must have a certain tradition to bring in to the new family and it has to be of significance. Living in with the in-laws can really pose you some hazards. First of all you do not want to disrupt their routine or any sense of normalcy. Secondly, you do not want to impose your idiosyncrasies in the household. So, coming back to the first day of Raya issue, there were the matters of

1. which mosque to go and perform the solat Eidulfitri
2. what do you do when you reach home
3. who are the family and relatives you visit on the first day
4. how much time are we spending with them
5. are there any special gestures or decorum I need to be aware of

It was simpler when you were a bachelor as you could ride on your parents’ coattails. Now all tanggung sendiri! [Me and wife’s responsibility]

The visit to my parent’s place at Woodlands made me treasure my siblings and their children even more. I love looking at the happy faces of my rakyat [nephews and nieces] I love their lovable banter and I love hugging my parents who raised and educated us into the adults that we are. The feeling was so fuzzy with so much kindness and unconditional love that for a split second I almost burst into tears at the thought of losing them.

What I saw and felt in my moments of seeking for their forgiveness, was something transcendent in their calling to raise their children. They’ve surrendered to the largeness of the task, and when that happened, it’s the ultimate sacrifice. I love you bapak, emak…

A Loyalist Complaint

2007-10-16T12:37:00.000+08:00

Kind of a misnomer isn’t it. Well, it’s exactly the tag I’d give to some ex-colleagues who chose to stay put and be magnanimous by riding the tough times with the company, the very same company which retrenched and gave them a severance package only the village idiot can be happy about.

I see a distinct line between that company’s bottomline and employees’ welfare. It’s not blurred to me. For me it’s purely a matter of taking care of my own fate by allowing the choice to move on. No point in sidling up with the higher echelons. Your sycophantic gestures are not appreciated here; or were you hoping that they’ll take care of you? Tough luck.

And yes, I don’t believe in employees’ prolong loyalty towards the workplace. There’s something wrong with that notion, lest you’re a Robinson staff or whatever – you should not overstay your welcome, knowing that the company has not been performing rosily since 2005; that should have been the alert button for you. Why endure and wait the impending? Why come up with all that stoics “I stayed on and believed when others have left”crap?

No doubt this industry has equipped you with the experience and exposure in your chosen field and hence you are the experts. But you, of all people should be aware that the call center industry is one dynamic entity that has a definite shelf-life. Move on already! Others have made that successful transition -- you too, can.

Good Advice

2007-09-22T18:38:00.000+08:00

It has been more than a month since I got married in August. 11 & 12 August to be exact. Well, well, how now brown cow? Hahaha.... Some folks at my workplace just can't stop making amiable jokes out of me. I'm saying amiable because there isn't a ounce of malice or ill-intention behind them, still, some of them had indeed made me reeling in laughter at the ridiculous sounding jibes they tried to pass as advice for the newly married man in their company.

Consider this advice, that in the month of Ramadan, you should break your fast when you feel the torturous and amorous need to be intimate with your wife. Haha... I've heard of that one eversince I was a school boy attending weekend religious class, but I never thought it would one day have much relevance to my life until now. I have a rather active imagination, so the torturous and 'gersang' feeling happens almost every now and then. Lol! Some advice are just too bawdy to have them written here, but I really appreciate them for their candour and sincerity.

I'd say marriage has given me a much calmer outlook as a person and appreciate what I have in my life even more intensely. It makes me think on a deeper level that my actions and speech will have a direct impact on my spouse's pysche and being.

Selamat berbuka puasa!

The Day for Me

2007-09-05T00:24:00.000+08:00

Pics from my O2

2007-08-15T13:14:00.000+08:00

I haven't got that many pictures taken using my O2. The bulk of the pics come from my family members' cameras and our official photographer. The latter has yet to contact us to select the prints we want. So I guess that has to wait in good time. Meanwhile let me put these images into a sensible storyboard. Though much has happened before, between, and after these pics, I think that is about all that I can blog right now. :o)

The car ride back from solemnisation @ Ba'alwie mosque. Shakir and Ashraf donning the T-shirt specially made for Sunday reception. Click on the pic to see it clearly. All my nephews wore the same. That was loads of fun!

After the Sunday reception we made our way to the Conrad Centennial for a bit of 'alone' time. We were booked for the "yellow" room on the 17 th floor. The view and sunset was memorable.

The Conrad bear followed us home. The icing on the hantaran cake at home survived for the picture taking. Next -- Kima Bajo Resort & Spa at Manado, Sulawesi!

11 and 12 August 2007

2007-08-12T08:05:00.000+08:00

If in my private hours I always pray for the day to come and that I will be ready, yesterday indeed was a milestone in my life where I just felt I want to share the moment with everyone - family, friends, and relatives alike. The solemnisation at Ba'alwe mosque went very well. It was more that what I wished for.

It's a brand new day for me. I feel totally relaxed and peaceful, Subhan'Allah!

Minutes To a Really Long Leave

2007-08-08T21:05:00.000+08:00

Got up rather early this morning. All because of the pre-national day celebration we had for staff. It was nothing compared to the big celebration we had last year at the stadium. But I still liked it a lot. It was succinct and nicely done.

I was away on course for the past 2 days at the CSC. So when I came back the inbox was already beckoning me to clear it as fast as possible. I scanned, deleted, answered them. Phew! Next it was the mid-year appraisal. I made some finishing touches on the document and soon began the session with my boss. Mission accomplished!

Just after noon time, the Kadi called me up to offer some instructions and advice. Thank goodness! I had actually contacted him last Saturday to confirm the solemnisation date and venue but he was unable to speak at length as he was at another function. So that alone was a great relief and I couldn't help smiling after the conversation.

It was about 12.30pm. I logged on the leave application system and submitted the dates. Got a bit of help from a colleague to submit the 3 days marriage leave entitlement. All in all, I shall be away for about 2 weeks. My conscience is clear, and I deserve this break, as advised by boss during the appraisal. Nothing felt as good as an endorsement at that moment.

The out-of-office is enabled. Had a brief chat with my Dir. Said some goodbyes to some colleagues. Got some last minute congratulations from some, and then I was good to go.

The afternoon bit seemed to have a collection theme on it. We went to collect the travel package arrangements. Then it was off to the bridal place for final fitting. I reminded M that I was already prepared to be a fussy person if the dresses and bajus aren't done well. Fortunately they turned out good. Next we headed to the photostudio to collect our pics. M spotted a missing pic and they corrected it on the spot. Then it was lunch at Hajah Maimunah's. An hour later we got in a taxi and I dozed off all the way to Senja.

I've Been A Good Boy

2007-07-21T10:23:00.000+08:00

Went to SingPost today with the intention of posting my invitation cards and buying some more stamps. Got this weird feeling that I might miss out on some friends but I kept telling myself, this batch of cards has to go out by today. I've been sms'ing' names in my hdp but some have yet to reply with their mailing addys. At least 2 replied they won't be able to come. Thank you. That makes it so much easier for me, doesn't it?

August is approaching and I've finally got the destination & package that we want to go after the wedding, confirmed. That's a big relief. If the pictures and reviews in the net are of any indicators.... I can't wait. Can't tahan. Can't sleep.

Plus I've been a good boy lately. Commonsense tells me that I need to radiate an energy of serenity and peace so that I have an uplifting effect on those I come into contact with. There have been some trying moments which I think are, in a karmic way, part of the unconscious & negative energy I gave out to the world and it's payback time, I guess. I'd do my penance now than later, please.

Humours

2007-07-05T09:02:00.000+08:00

Had this yucky feeling in my throat yesterday and that'd be always a mental indicator I'd fall sick. They say in any moment in which you're experiencing thoughts that make you feel sick or bad, do your best to change them to thoughts that support the idea of feeling good. Refuse to talk about sickness; and work to activate thoughts that predict recovery and overall well-being.

Lol! That worked miserably in my case.

No temperature just a general lethargy with a bit of hingus meleleh [sinus]. I clumped tissue in my hand everywhere as I traipsed about in the office. I'm not surprised if there'd be host of bacteria at my workdesk this instance. It didn't help further when that morning, well almost, was spent off in a meeting to finalise some work. If there was an apothecary around, he'd say my humours were imbalanced because I wasn't able to contribute much.

I truly love the middle-age and the Renaissance's understanding of Hippocratic pathology and physiology - to denote the four humours as represented by the four fluids - blood, phlegm, yellow bile and black bile, in your body. The admixture or commingling of these determine a person's disposition, character, mind, morality and temperament. The humours released spirits or vapours which affect the brain, and hence a person's behaviour. How cool is that!? This reminds me to reread Jonson's play 'Everyman in His Humour' or any Jacobean works.

Well that's enough on darkage idea. The good doc, yes the ones that dispense MCs for your pitiful cagey self, gave me a combination of meds to quell off this humoural imbalance of mine. He said I should have a blood check if I'm not better by Monday. It's for dengue, he said casually, then continued scribbling notes in my medical records. I could only muster a "Hmm" in agreement. Woodlands, has had some cases reported, well, at least according to some big obscene banners stragetically placed would have you informed.

For now, here's to a good rest at home!

Passionate People Rejuvenate

2007-06-28T21:09:00.000+08:00

Of late, it seems that every passing day is met which so much resistance, especially so when I'm about to go to work. Yet when I'm in the office that feeling is blocked out because you know things must get done. Someone says passionate people don't get burn out; they rejuvenate. How I wish I could do this at a whim. I think there were instances where I felt a tremendous sense of blah! and I ended up shifting down a gear or two. In other words I relaxed too much. Is that normal?

I've been watching 2x5 Dol on tv. I don't quite like the programme at first because of the exaggerated mannerisms the lead actors say or act their lines. I don't get them. Are they told to act that way just because it's a comedy? Sorry, but I'm from the Christine Hakim school of thought. So it certainly took me sometime to appreciate the show and its brand of humour. Have to admit there were some episodes that were funny and after watching them I began to think of the various comic and awkward moments I might be getting into after we're married. One think for sure M will not call me Bi, short for hubby. Naik bulu roma ku!

The past weeks had me toggling between work and preparing for the big day. At my end I managed to settle the invitation card, the caterer and deco, and the hantaran/gifts. The card was ordered in KL and was a 'gift' from a sibling residing there. Thank you sis and your family for putting the finishing touches. Wish I could spend more time in KL!

p.s. Does the Colosseum beckon us?

Or somewhere exotic and tranquil whisper our respite?

Goodnight...

Ferris Wheel @ Causeway Point

2007-05-27T17:58:00.000+08:00

The night I became a kid and M enthused like a thrill junkie. Lol! The ferris wheel was nothing out of the ordinary, but the view was a breath of fresh air. I could almost see where I live, almost. M's Dopod camera was a letdown. Heheh sorry luv... but my Stealth still kicks ass!

June is almost here and I could feel the big day in my life. There are times certain mundane tasks are made bearable when I daydreamed through them. And I don't think all that mental preparation we continuously go through will prepare us 100% for marriage but that's just it -- you learn. I respect the future but I'm so over worrying about losing my freedom and independence.

And yes I'm concerned about the responsibility involved but that's a shared concern with M as well. Someone says that it's good that you're concerned. That means that you're thinking, and that you're not foolish enough to believe that love will conquer all other problems.

Ramly

2007-05-03T22:30:00.000+08:00

Who needs dinner when you can have a Ramly! There's a night bazaar next to Woodlands Causeway Point, and for the past 3 nights [except for last night as I was with M] I've been stuffing it with a Ramly burger on the way walk home. There's no trick to selecting a stall -- in my case I just go to the one which has a shorter queue. Forget about joining a longer queue because that's a great fallacy I'm telling you. Numbers don't mean a thing as Singaporean are easily herded like cattles. Really, from experience, I find that generally Ramly burgers here consistently taste the same.

Like a Moth to a Flame

2007-04-04T23:17:00.000+08:00

You get up, you clean up, you say your prayers, you put on your clothes and prepare to start the day by going to work -- no breakfast for me as I seldom do breakfast, well, maybe a glass of water. I'll make some casual chat with the old folks, get out of the house, stop a minute or two at the corridor where my mom placed her favourite pots of plants and orchids and maybe, just maybe appreciate the bloom.

This morning I stopped for a good 5 - 7 minutes, all thanks to the two 'visitors' who were in my path.

It was just resting there, on the railing. And another one on the 4th floor. The seconds I saw the first one I thought that was weird as I didn't know such a creature would even be there. But it fluttered its wings and that was it. I thought it looked so fragile but its flapping wing represents a small change in the initial condition of time and the system, which causes a chain of events leading to large-scale phenomena. Had it not flapped its wings, the trajectory of the system might have been vastly different. I wouldn't have stayed and missed my usual train schedule. This moth, I think it's a moth, has a wingspan as long as a $10 note. Unease crept in me as I took these pics because I just didn't think they will survive the day. There is a hill with quite a bit of foliage next to my flat. I'm guessing these moths lost their way or were attracted to the confusion, bright lights and chaos that is within these concrete walls. Why else would such a gentle creature be allured away from its sanctuary?

As I'm typing these, I recall Frost's lines, "Whose woods these are, I think I know..." It was 8.38pm - M messaged me her flight has finally made the stopover at Abu Dhabi. That's a few more flight hours to go, luv, and you'll be at the Holy Land in no time.

A Saturday Night Entry ...

2007-03-31T20:25:00.000+08:00

... and I'm not going anywhere tonight except going through the list of things to do in the months ahead. It's a good list, it's a good feeling. It's weird -- M's not by my side, yet I feel fuzzy thinking of the things we'll be doing together. Insya'Allah.

The past few weeks have been crazy with me pinning down some details on my marriage. I don't know where to begin with this post -- and if only I could post a gantt chart in this blog detailing my preparation. Lol, the methodical virgo in me had actually prepared this chart and it really calms me to see almost all the major tasks have been done. Other than a few adjustments or initial hiccups, the progress, in general has been smooth, Alhamdullilah.

Stuff like the caterer, venue, logistics, ROMM registration, preparatory course have all been arranged for or attended to. I even have a great project manager, who happens to be my sister! Lol! In a couple of days M will be leaving for umrah [mini pilgrimage] with her parents and I'm so elated they finally got the necessary visa from Saudi. It's her second trip to Mecca, and I could only wish for a bit of blessings from her journey. We promised to do some serious shopping when she returns. That's something to look forward to!

Much happened at the work place, mainly preparing the groundworks for the upcoming project in July. Finally! The date has been set and I could see the horizon. I've been joking with my colleague that I will go berserk if this was delayed any longer or loomed in August. To be fair to me, I don't think I will be able to give much focus if that were to happen, really. I got a merit increment yesterday and along with 3 other colleagues, a recognition for our 2006 work with a corny name Star Performance engraved on the award. Lol! I can go on giving you rants on how that turned out but I'm not mad yet. Some colleagues mentioned in jest, "Jangan jadi star karat ..." [which means 'Don't be a rusty star'] Lol! The term 'star karat' has all the connotations of bad attitude, punk'd ass person. Personally I thought it embodies a certain comic ability in acting out like a f***ed-up fiend!

It's Maulidur Rasul today -- the birthday of the Prophet Muhammad. For those who wish to know a bit more about him, Wikipedia provides some reference. Read with care and read like the person seeking true knowledge, so you may benefit.

Everyone Loves a Third Place-Finisher!

2007-03-09T22:46:00.000+08:00

Elliott Yamin's upcoming album. He really took his own sweet time with this.

Ferocity

2007-02-15T21:58:00.000+08:00

Much has happened since Jan 07 and I've yet to blog about them. I may regret it when I look back and discover all the milestones in my life had faded into vapours of daily drudgery and all I got are reminisces that I cannot quite pin down. You don't have cameras around you so if don't blog, it's going to be worse than amnesia when you all frail and geriatric trying to remember your youth.

Well, to sum up my mental state now -- I think I'm a far happier person than I was in 2006 -- all because I'm going through an important phase with someone I really love and care for.

Years ago, I would guard my independence and freedom with so much ferocity, now it's another kind of independence and freedom that I'm experiencing and hoping to share with M. I've prayed my individual wills to be where I am right now and I'm no longer doubtful that a roadmap is already there for me afterall. I've been taking a longer and tougher route, I realise. That's all. There's no excuse. For in the end I'm accountable for the route my Creator gave me. And I just need a little guidance and prayers from my family and friends.

So this is it huh?

New Words for 2007

2007-02-07T21:12:00.000+08:00

A colleague emailed this to me, so I thought of sharing this to a wider audience. Heck, some of them really good so why not use them? Google wouldn't be in the dictionary if not for the constant lexicon use by surfers in their lingo.

NEW WORDS for 2007 :
Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)

1. BLAMESTORMING : Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline wasmissed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, crapson everything, and then leaves.

3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success andadvancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard

4. SALMON DAY : The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstreamonly to get screwed and die in the end.

5. CUBE FARM : An office filled with cubicles.

6. PRAIRIE DOGGING : When someone yells or drops something loudly in acube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to couch potato.

8. SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. WhatYuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working tostay home with the kids.

9. STRESS PUPPY : A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out andwhiny.

10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless becausemagnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

11. XEROX SUBSIDY : Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one'sworkplace.

12. IRRITAINMENT : Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying butyou find yourself unable to stop watching them.

13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE : The fine art of whacking the crap out of anelectronic device to get it to work again.

14. ADMINISPHERE : The rarefied organizational layers beginning just abovethe rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are oftenprofoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designedto solve.

15. 404 : Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message"404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.

16. GENERICA : Features of the American landscape that are exactly the sameno matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, andsubdivisions.

17. OHNOSECOND : That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize thatyou've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email bymistake).

18. WOOFS : Well-Off Older Folks

19. CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a cubefarm.

- Author Unknown

The Journey He Made

2007-01-20T10:05:00.000+08:00

Salam Maal Hijrah...

Maal Hijrah, which is also called Awal Muharam, is an important day for Muslims. Awal means beginning in English and Muharam is the first month of Muslim calendar.

The start of Muslim calendar year, Muharam coincides with Prophet Muhammad's journey from Mecca to Medina on the first Muharam in 622 A.D.

Hence, the meaning of Maal Hijrah in English is migration. Symbolically, Maal Hijrah also means changes the individual makes for the better and can be said as starting point to evaluate the inner-self for the road ahead.

I've yet to make any significant journeys in my life. At this stage all my inner paths point to nowhere. Maybe I'm blind and that the journey has already begun and that I'm merely over-analysing it.

You can say there is that spiritual compass in me that I try to maintain but sometimes I do get diverted big time. Never have I felt so weak in my life during those moments.

2007

2007-01-01T11:42:00.000+08:00

Dear twenty o seven, it's not good looking back when the last entry of 2006 in this space is about a jumper on the MRT tracks. That goes how unactive as a writer I've been lately.

Much have happened and as I trawled this space I think I've definitely left out many bits I consider too mundane or a tad too personal to reveal. I think that's quite alright because this blog does not define me as the person my Creator knows inside out.

Made some achievements in 2006 -- both at work and in personal life. The milestone however is in the relationship. I just hope & pray M & I can get to the next level we want to be this year.

2007 can be a maddening year at the workplace. In the first quarter alone, I'm starting off with 2 projects. They're nothing new but they certainly set the tone for the rest of the year if done right.

We saw Blood Diamond last Saturday. I wasn't expecting to go out what with eve of Hari Raya Haji and all that but I just had to sms M to accompany me. The whole afternoon I was secretly hoping the people at the workplace do not activate Haj ops room.

Leornardo & Djimon Hounsou in Blood Diamond. See this movie if you want to dissuade your gf or wife from buying that ridiculously over the top looking diamond. Lol! Pan's Labyrinth, now I'm anticipating this one too, besides Volver!

Not The Last Train

2006-12-05T22:15:00.000+08:00

Disruption -- No train service. Everytime when this happens you always wander what the technical problem is. The trains here are reliable most of the time, I should say. And you hardly get any technical glitches during peak hours. So what's the cause? Another case or a jumper?

Train services from Sembawang to Yio Chu Kang this morning went awol for nearly an hour, I think. But really, it was quite a sight to see all that people milling around the station.

Needless to say I was uber late coming in office this morning. And for this I still say that I'm fortunate and thankful.

If you missed the train in this lifetime, there'd be always another one coming along.

OETI

2006-12-03T16:44:00.000+08:00

If you stick it in long enough you'll get over it. Lol! All I wanted was to complete my NS and Reservist liability with no fuss, no accidents and no drama. Thank God that happen.

I'm no longer required to do reservist trainings and all that dawned upon me when my unit sent me a letter saying that I will be posted out from 1GSMB to MR [AGE GRP] RPC with effect from blah blah blah. I got a couple of SMSs from some reservist buddies about the letter and we all agreed that that was it, you know - GAME OVER. Haha.. The significance of that didn't really go down in me until two weeks ago I took a long lunch just to collect a token of appreciation the unit gave each of us. There was a ceremony held earlier on just for my cohorts but I chose not to attend. The unit clerk called me and I told him I'd think about it.

Anyways this was what we got - a box set containing a Hamilton watch, a pin, a medal and a certificate. Sigh... there goes another chapter in my life. I still can remember vividly the first day, fresh from Tekong, I got into OETI, Ayer Rajah Camp to be trained as a vehicle mechanic. Those who were trained there and happen to stumble upon this blog may well know the less desired acronym for OETI. I'm not gonna type it in here. Lol!

It was then to Gloucester Camp for a brief period then to Changi Camp, where I finished off the remains of my NS life. Oh my goodness! That was another complete riot, colourful, fun, and bittersweet period in my life. We didn't have blogspot back then. Haha. So I think I shall blog about that whenever it pleases me to do so.

Puteri Gunung Ledang

2006-11-26T11:03:00.000+08:00

Went to see the musical, Puteri Gunung Ledang [PGL] yesterday with M and some friends. I've done quite a bit of watching musicals, not an expert, just a discerning theatre goer, and this production just did what it intend to do - preserve the mystique of the legend, the romance of its rich cultural and historical settings and last but not least showcase to the rest of the world what a world class theater production the Malaysians have in them.

As a theater goer I always have a high regard and the greatest respect for it and all who give their life and love to the betterment of theater... Eh... macam [like a] snob right?... Lol. But its true lar... I honestly went in the show underestimating it. But I changed my mind now.

If any parents out there intend to wean their child on musicals, lupakan sajalah [forget about] si Andrew Llyod Webber tu or The Phantom of the Opera or Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Raincoat, or all that ad nauseum jazz... begin your child's theatre appreciation with PGL or The Lion King if you have the opportunity... lol.

Go, go immerse yourself in the tale of the two yearning lovers, torn between wanting to follow their hearts, and wanting to be loyal to king and country. This musical is indeed a collaboration of great minds and talents, with Dick Lee as the composer, Zahim Albakri as the director, Adlin Aman Ramlie as the scriptwriter and co-director, and Roslan Aziz as musical director, and of course, Tiara Jacquelina holding court in the titular leading role as well as the freaking Executive Producer for the project! Good job!

Stephen Rahman-Hughes is really good in this. Lots of naysayers croaked, "Bolehke this mat salleh celup nyani?" lol... Back off kamu semua Melayu dengkis & sceptics... He earned that samping and tanjak! All that West End pedigree in Stephen Rahman showed. But my favourite is Adlin Aman Ramlie as the Sultan of Melaka. Haha... I'm not sure if that's how he meant it... but there is a scene where he celebrates His "Kedaulataness" [Royalty] with so much panache. It was a break-out performance.

All in all it was a visually and orally sublimed production. But things they could improve or avoid; mic lapses, the music at times drowned the singing voices and even Hang Tuah played by Stephen Rahman finds himself competing with the sound. I find the ending a bit rushed, especially the part where the 7 demands of the Princess were made known. That storyline maybe lost on foreigners who don't know a thing about Hang Tuah let alone some Mount Ledang facts.

The whole PGL structure is a bit formulaic I have to admit, but that is a safe decision to go for mass appeal, which is a good thing these days. Some strings in the sound department should be explored as that can typically go well with the human voice. There was none. There was a flautist, nevertheless and that alone added some haunting qualities to the score but not enough. I remember a kerocong-like number, and that was good. And finally it doesn't take one to be a critic to know or to tell the good from the bad , the wannabes from the truly great. In short, I left the theater hall of the beautiful Esplanade with a good cathartic feeling, which is all that matters.

Take a bow, folks. Well done!

Pic courtesy of M.

Volver

2006-11-20T22:03:00.000+08:00

This latest film by Almodovar has been making quite a buzz. I chanced upon Almodovar's Talk To Her a few years ago and I have been a fan since then. Any treatment of surrealistic naturalism and magical realism -- be it in films or novels; I like. And judging from the reviews I've read so far, this is The Movie to watch this year -- if you're into non-English films that is. I just hope I don't have to wait too long for it to be shown in Singapore before I got the itch to buy the DVD at Johor! And any movie that has Denzel in it makes a decent movie outing!

Sleep Magnate

2006-11-13T19:48:00.000+08:00

I've been waiting for something worthwhile to start an entry and today, I got that impetus.

I knew I was asleep but somehow I couldn't wake up. It's that awful, uncanny feeling to WANT to get up but I just couldn't do it. A few times, I thought I could muster enough movement to kickstart my body to move, and I believe there were indeed some body movements, at least a muscle twitch or limb, but I just couldn't do it -- wake up. And this isn't the first time I've experienced such inability to severe arousal from sleep and it freaks me everytime this happens!

I'm not sure what realm that was but I just knew that I was conscious NOT dreaming. To attempt to define consciousness would be to risk displeasure of philosophers. I am no philosopher. However I would know what I mean when I say that I am conscious of, or aware of, something whether outside or within myself.

Today it happened around after midnight, twice. This giant sleep magnate pulled me back from waking up -- and the more I fought to release myself from this realm, the more of a grip, it held onto me. The second time I woke up at about 12.05am -- at least that's what my wristwatch told me. I didn't hesitate this time around. I got off the bed, went to the toilet, took ablution, got back in my bedroom and performed the sembahyang tahajud -- night prayers.

I had a good chat about this with my father during dinner just now. He smiled and nodded when I recounted my 'struggle' to wake up. My old man offered some advice and he put things into perspective. All I can say now is that it assuaged my nerve and rekindled a kind of resolution in me to not take things for granted.

Alhamdulillah.

Ayat Al-Kursi - the Verse of the Throne

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

Allah! There is no God but He,

the Living, the Self-subsisting, the Eternal.

No slumber can seize Him, nor sleep.

All things in heaven and earth are His.

Who could intercede in His presence without His permission?

He knows what appears in front of and behind His creatures.

Nor can they encompass any knowledge of Him except what he wills.

His throne extends over the heavens and the earth,

and He feels no fatigue in guarding and preserving them,

for He is the Highest and Most Exalted.

Allah, the Most High, speaks the truth.

How 'Kolot' My Community Can Be

2006-10-19T05:34:00.000+08:00

A few days back an article in Berita Harian ran a story about this kurma, or date. A series chain of email, with its origin unknown, has been making its round and causing discomfit for quite a many netizens. When I first read that email I couldn't help but feel sorry for the person who wrote it.

Look at the date on your right. This product is from Iran. What does it tell you? What do you feel? Do you think the image looks like the Virgin Mary? Did that association cross your mind? And if it did, were you bother by it?

The trouble with some folks out there, and I mean the Malay Muslim community here, and [this taleban, rigid-like paranoia isn't exclusive in this country]; is that they tend to take, interpret, read, things too literally. These rabid ultra Islamists, [oklah let's not use that word] - let's refer them -- believers, for they too, worship the same God that I worship, just love to stir shit. So what if the image looks like Virgin Mary? You're not worshipping her, right? Some shaken netizens went so far as to claim that the dates are cleansed in Holy water. Seriously, if there was a conspiracy to convert millions of Muslims out there, you'd stand a better chance of doing so by -- eating dates? Whatever happens to your conviction in the faith?

You know how the community reacts when they're faced with unknown entity and this is a perfect example of misplaced text and context here. They get angry, they get mad and they want everybody to stay away, and boycott the product. I'm not sure if this 'kolot' reaction was because the image was associated to Virgin Mary and that she is a venerated figure in the Quran or it's because the 'kolot' mentality in them freaks out each time they see a biblical, iconic association in their face. In either case, I pity them more than the importer of these dates.

Private Idaho

2006-10-16T18:56:00.000+08:00

Went out last week to break our fast and while waiting for M I found a bit of time to traipse this bookstore on the second floor of Orchard MRT. Didn't think I'd find something worthwhile on that level because I knew that place is much too greedily occupied in square metres by Popular bookstore. Don't get me wrong, I love the plebian feel of Popular but I just had about enough of it mushrooming everywhere.

And well what do you know? I found this neat bookstore called Haris.

I could lounge for hours in its quiet recesses of solid bookcases and turns of categories. The classics section is something to wish for. If I had it my way, or a place on my own; that's how I want it to be -- my own private Idaho .

And that's the picture of Harmony Centre @ An-Nahdhah mosque, Bishan I thought I'd post here for everyone's info. PM, together with many leaders representing the religions of the community graced the event and officially opened it on the 7th July 2006.

The Harmony Centre intends to facilitate Muslims in the understanding of other major religions in Singapore so that they can better relate to their fellow citizens, friends and neighbours. It's primary objective is to promote greater mutual respect [via many activities and platforms] between the communities which will in turn safeguard and enhance the peaceful and harmonious living that we have enjoyed so far.

Lol... can't believe I'm typing that in my blog but that's what it is folks. Go visit if you have the time, it is open to every race, creed, religion and colour.

Memories of S2006 IMF/World Bank Stint

2006-09-25T19:57:00.000+08:00

Warning - Long post ahead! Haha...

And just so I could document this for good and release some storage space in my O2 sd card. Anyways here are some pictures I took during IMF 13 - 20 September 2006. I think I was truly fatigue after IMF that I had to request an extension date for a presentation on a project due 22 September.

The exit up to City Hall. Each morning the walk to fortress Suntec reminded me how much I didn't miss the morning throngs of City Hall, Raffles Place or Tanjong Pagar. Next - My survival kit. By the 2nd day I wisened up and abandoned the cumbersome bags issued to all liaison officers. I brought along a black diary loaded with only the essential stuff such as my delegation programme, a DLO memoir that contains all important numbers and certain SOPs, 1 brochure on interesting places of Singapore, and invitation admin matters. That did the trick. Goodbye Suntec pass. I'm done with you.

No fervent demonstrations, only the occasional protests put up by the government-approved civil society organisations. This one - of a man, bound up and hooded, writhing on the floor. Notice the designated area. I couldn't help feeling that it's all mere sidenotes of IMF Singapore 2006 successfully downgrading these passionate people into performance artists. Next - With some colleagues. This is one of the favourite meeting places where we lounge ourselves to death waiting while our respective governors went on with their businesses attending plenary sessions, breakfast and lunch meetings and G7, G30 et al. I had a frustrating time with the suits they gave. Late delivery, and minus the alteration I requested weeks prior to the IMF. Major cockup la the vendor... the dates were looming and because I couldn't bear the thought of waiting for the right thing to happen at their end, I decided to send the jacket for alteration at Queesway Shopping Centre instead. Good thing the S2006 committee decided to reimburse that cost!

The Esplanade carnival that showcased cultural performances and food galore. This was Kampung Glam section of the esplanade. I remember eating out of small cups Mee Rebus that was too mild for my liking. I guess the organisers toned down the spice factor for the delegates and I'm not surprised that they liked it. But that was before I tasted the satay and temporarily 'lost' one of my delegates because the satay was good and free flow. No kidding - the Esplanade bayfront that night was super crowded. A dikir-barat performances. That's the area where I chanced upon Cultural Medallion recipient Mdm Som Said and introduced her to my delegate.

A section of Kampung Glam featuring teenagers playing some Malay musical instruments. A vibrant Indian rice & flour decoration. Love it! I wonder if my Indian neighbour observe such significance. Maybe life in the HDB heartlands aren't just accommodating enough. Then again I seldom see her daughter in saris.

A Peranakan fashion show. Quaint stuff! Before that we were at the Eurasian section of the Esplanade. I saw Vernetta Lopez and Eunice Olsen manning the place. The former was draped in this long black gown and was totally on-the-ball, entertaining delegates who passed by. She managed to persuade my delegate to try some devil's curry. He did. And as we walked on a few metres along the carnival he had to stop for some green tea. His face was rather flushed. Haha! The fireworks after the Diaspora theater program. Picture courtesy of Alan.

Besides bringing the delegates to Mustafa Centre, Asian Civilisation Museum, Muthu's Curry, Al Baladi, Soffra, Chinatown, Little India, Mount Faber, Sim Lim Square, Arab Street, I still got a bit of time cramming in a Sentosa itinerary for one of the delegates. This happened when the Head of Delegation had gone for his Istana dinner invitation and I'm left with his right-hand man. I took these pictures at the Underwater World, Sentosa. That's him snapping a picture. We came in late for the last 8.30pm group tour and as a result the facility was closed. What a near disaster that was! Had it not been for the empowered and pro-active staff working the night shift on that 18th of September I would have had a very unhappy delegate with me. Thank you folks!

A passage of the Underwater world. This is one huge fish - bigger [gesture] than with my arms outstretched, I think. Haha.. Maybe it's time for that diving trip again.

I remember taking this picture in the CD shop opposite St Andrew's cathedral. Time was a luxury and when I had some, I just filled it with some mindless window shopping. It was a toss up between Beyonce and Nelly for me as I spent an awfully good 30mins listening and skimming each tracks. Those breaks in-between while waiting for the next event can be dreary if you happen to be alone. Sometimes you're lucky to meet someone you hardly knew - in this regard I even met a fellow blogger. Hah! Next - I think this was taken during one of the lunch breaks of many briefing sessions, not to mention days of protocol training we had leading to the IMF. Those were dreary at times but it was great as I made a host of friends and network from the other stat boards and ministries. Alan, Ian and Fid.

An IMF souvenir cap, my survival kit organiser and iced-mocha at Terminal 2 - and the 1 hour wait after flight takeoff for the official stand-down. Next - The 1.30am morning ride in the BMW back to Ritz-Carlton. This was after sending off my delegates for the 11.30pm flight to Muscat, Oman transit Dubai. I can't believe I didn't have any pics of the much touted luxurious BMW series. Well anyways, throughout the ECP journey I was trying to pin down the exact feeling and I thought it was one of deep satisfaction and relief for a wonderful experience. Well, at least the governor was kind enough to say that I did an excellent job throughout despite a few demanding situations he put me in. We said our goodbyes at the departure lounge area, but not before they gave me their contact number and address in Oman. That's too cool!

Pictures taken using the O2. I hardly used my own phone as we were issued with the Nokia E-70. I thought I'd post these as well, what the heck! Taking a well-deserved break at the Osim chair and lounging it at common meeting area.

Ramadan

2006-09-24T05:38:00.000+08:00

Once again, you're about to go through another Ramadan and appreciate the morning that you had lived long enough to begin another pre-dawn meal. When I was a young boy Ramadan was only a ritual I observed after being trained to do so.

There wasn't much internalisation going on in those days except for the fact that you were ingrained to be 'berdosa besar' or a big sinner if you skipped your fast. I knew it was supposed to mean more than merely abstaining from food and water, but its deeper and elegant significance didn't mean much when you were young. I was a real good boy back then, but there were times even I had 'cheated' by drinking tap water in primary school and appeared all quiet and calm upon reaching home.

Times were different back then and I'm not a changeling anymore.

Here's a thought -- I reminisce and speak freely of my shortcomings and my flaws. I love the little child that I was and I'm still learning from that child; till I'll have no ego to injure myself.

Suntec

2006-09-11T19:35:00.000+08:00

Last Friday my workplace successfully relocated to a temporary office in Toa Payoh. I was supposed to be the rep overseeing our department's relocation but I had to be at Suntec for a series of IMF briefings on the same day. Hence I had no choice but to ask my colleague to cover for me. That sucked as I hate to inconvenient people. INTJs all over the world hate to do this and being a control freak virgo, that made it more unbecoming.

Some of my colleagues who are involved in the IMF took the time to return to the office after lunch time for some photo-memories opportunity. The whole building will be torn down and in about 2 years time a new spanking building / HUB shall be in place. I'm not so attached to the physicality of the building to warrant a photo-op, I guess as a new officer who had joined April last year I see much impermanence everywhere in that place to imbue sentimental reasons. For me it's the company of people that you keep and the various artifacts and memorabilia which resurfaced during the housekeeping that tell a great story.

And today there was yet another final briefing, which I totally forgot to inform the office until about 10am when a colleague called me up to inquire if I was coming in. I felt rather lame. I think I'm giving INTJs a bad name. Plus I thought I was not helping matters when I did not carry my old phone or divert its number to the Nokia E-70 which the S2006 had issued us.

Security at Suntec is tight as you can expect good old Singapore preempts everything in order for the events to go clockwork. Stepping into Suntec, I was awashed at the sight of so many security people miling about the place. Is this all necessary? I thought.

Already the roads leading to Suntec and Esplanade were blocked, plus you won't be expecting any road demonstration, because all elements the government considers as irksome and a threat to security did not get any permit or had been banned from entering the country. My mind wandered to the movie Aeon Flux. It was far too sanitised, though I can understand the national interest in protecting public property and lives far outweighs any criticism. In the meantime I had to get use to seeing all the policemen, army personnel, security in plainclothes, and gurkhas carrying big long sachels stationed at each meeting rooms and sensitive areas. No Charlize Theron in sight.

There was a final briefing, a quick check on our mode of communication and its server load, a group chat and consolidation with our supervisors, lunch, a tour of Suntec and recce to respective hotels. All systems go. The jacket I sent for alteration better turn out good.

An ex-colleague and his wife 'blanja' M and I dinner last Saturday. Terimakasih eh... Some quality time with M followed naturally. Hehe.. She just finished 9 straight days of work. Yeah, one of those crazy rosters in the name of resource management. Poor luv. I could feel the stress she's been going through, then again what do I know?

What I Do

2006-09-06T17:07:00.000+08:00

I've never walked so much in a single afternoon, and I can safely say the same for the majority of us who went for the familiarising session on the various key places at Changi Airport Terminal 1 and 2 and the VIP lounge. Preparation and briefings for the S2006 IMF/World Bank Group have been intense.

The main role of the Delegation Liaison Officer [DLO] is to attend to and cater to the needs of the VIP that he/she is assigned to. It commences at the point of arrival until the point of departure. Just make everything seemless and adhere to the SOPs. Lol! That's my understanding.

Is it just me? Or do the other officers from other ministries and stat boards feel the same as I do? I find my involvement in the S2006 a good diversion from my present work. Haha.. And some of you bloggers have been asking what I do for a living and I responded - Organisational Development [OD] stuff. To be more specific, the unit I'm in is in the business of strengthening the organisation via OD frameworks such as ISO, People's Developer, SQC, Business Improvement, Ideas & Innovation, Service Excellence and etc. We put in a hollistic approach of systems, people, policies, culture and add a dash of living, learning and caring strategic objectives in the things we do. Hehe..

Needless to say I shan't mention where I work because it'd be too complicated with all that blogging ethics and sensitivities civil servants like myself have to observe la katakan. Kalau tidak mampos aku nanti.

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini is a devastating and painfully honest and tender story that I've read in recent months. It reminded me of the same internal silence and inspired reaction when I finished reading Life of Pi by Yann Martel. Sheesh... Wonderful stuff!

Folks, go grab a good fiction and uplift your spirits!

1 book down, 2 to go.

Dopamine Hap Hits

2006-08-23T21:54:00.000+08:00

The Singapore 2006 IMF/World Bank Group, Board of Governors Annual Meeting is next month. I've been assigned liaison duties to one of the Western African States for the upcoming S2006 and already some of my work schedules have to be tinkered so I could finish my own work. Right now I'm spending a bit of time off googleing the country to find out more information and of course its Head of Delegation.

I'm so tempted to drop a note to our trainers and request some vital info but we've been urged to do this ourselves before exercising that option. I'm giving myself end of the week before I start to do that, then again, I may just continue to write in to the appropriate consul for help.

The workplace, that is our staff recreation club is organizing a family day September 2 & 4. Now that's another event I'm looking forward to despite all the hectic preparation we've had. I'm just not looking forward to come to work on the following Monday where there will be another series of briefings and familiarisation for the whole week for volunteers in the S2006. Because I think fatigue will be my comeuppance, I have to take care of my body and not exert too much stimuli. Lol! I'm not kidding!

INTJs like me have a longer stimuli pathway and are highly sensitive to dopamine or Hap Hits. Too much of these and we'd be over-stimulated and INTJs cannot have these too often! What I need to do is to energy-conserve just so I could go out there at the right time and at the right place and have fun while doing all these work.

Current reading:

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini.
Why Human Have Cultures - Explaining Anthropology & Social Diversity by Michael Carrithers
Project Management Demystified by Sid Kemp, PMP

For the first time this season I managed to watch an episode of Singapore Idol in its entirety. The contestants sang two numbers tonight and at this stage only Hadi and Johnathan deserve to be in the final.

The rest of the contestants have tone-deaf fans! Sorry.

Durian from The Other Island

2006-07-30T13:41:00.000+08:00

The old folks yesterday brought home some durians from Ubin. No freaking market classification or the styro-cellophane wrapped types you'd see in supermarkets; just simple durians picked from the fruit orchard surrounding my late grandparents' house in Ubin.

It's not a best kept secret anymore that Ubin has a few Malay kampung houses still standing and lovingly maintained, mind you. All you need to do when you get on the island is to rent a mountain bike and cycle along its tarred path and pretty soon you'll come upon the cluster of Malay Kampong houses I'm referring to.

If you're too chicken shit you may want to stop by at the information kiosk to get a map. But really, if you cycled on the path it's hard for you to get lost in Ubin. That'd be an insult to the people who had lived there for many years if you did.

I took these using my Atom. Now I'm not sure if that's good considering it's only 2 megapixels. It has also been the main reason why I will never buy a digital camera because my needs like the Ubin durian, are simple and straightforward -- no fuss. No, durians don't have needs but you get my drift, lol! The durian pic was taken after I had upgraded the Atom firmware. For a close-up shot I think the quality is passable.

Persuasion

2006-07-30T00:45:00.000+08:00

At her insistence we saw The Lake House tonight. The best moment or scene and the only one I could vividly remember from the movie is how Keanu Reeves ran with a copy of Austen's Persuasion in his hand trying to return it to Sandra Bullock who was already on the train. Fate had it they won't meet eye to eye because they 'exist' two years apart.

How do you hold on to someone you've never met? That seemed to be the movie's central theme, another is that of waiting and lost chance.

It's an utterly sappy, feel-good movie and I forewarned M that I'd fall asleep in the theater. Lol. Thank goodness I didn't as I was trying to recall the novel Persuasion I read donkey years ago. It was one of the many A level literature texts my brain was damaged on and The One I certainly could not relate to. You can say that I could handle Blake, Wordsworth, Johnson, Coleridge, and Shakespeare but never Austen and her female internalisations. How to, right? I was like 17 or 18 and all doofus back then.

I knew the book is essentially a comedy of manners -- a work in which the characters must negotiate a complex code of conduct in the Austen social milieu in order to survive, much less achieve their ends. Austen's narrative sparkles with wit, humour and cutting remarks and astute human observation. But the understanding stopped there and I was only content to scratch the surface.

Anne Elliot, the heroine of Austen's last novel had let the love of her life get away because she was persuaded by a trusted family friend that the man she loved wasn't an adequate match, social stationwise, and that Anne could do better. The novel opens some years after they broke up with Anne assuming a certain bleak, neurotic, august and resigned outlook in life. This is just Austen's charming way of saying Anne hadn't get laid for a very long time.

I think I'll dust off my Austen collection tomorrow. Having read Pride and Prejudice, Emma, Sense and Sensibility, I still think Persuasion kicks ass!

Kalau Dah Jodoh...

2006-07-18T19:45:00.000+08:00

Kah kah kah... Siti, oh Siti... dia jugak yang kau pilih eh. Well done! The couple looks good and I just can't help Datuk K's cheshire cat smile in this pic. Priceless!

The Good Dentist

2006-07-13T21:04:00.000+08:00

Got home later than usual as I had a dental appointment at Causeway Point. Sheesh! Never had an intense time on the dental chair for a long, long time. This doctor was way too cool and because of that I just had to 'tahan' for her sake so she could do a great job cleaning my teeth. I'd normally signal or give a slight grunt when things get ugly but this time around I behaved rather well.

A Working Sunday

2006-07-10T23:11:00.000+08:00

At least today I wasn't as feeling lousy as I would expect to feel on a Monday.

My weekend was void as on Saturday I had to do a bit of prep work for an event taking place the following day, Sunday. Some colleagues approached me to be emcee for their ceremony and I accepted, with much hesitation at first. I had a few times turned down this request but finally took it up.

Well it turned out alright, but you know sometimes I can be hard on myself. If there was any new lesson to be learnt is that I need to make an internal commitment to trust myself more and feel worthy of all that the things that come my way.

Another thing is -- I chose not to attend a friend of M's wedding invite yesterday. And I can't say I was comfortable in not going, nor can I say that I look forward to it. You've come to a point in your life where attending weddings is just that that, attendance. I know this is silly, but that's just it is with me. Therefore I really do appreciate the stuff that people do for each other. People like my M who cares about her friends and maintains good siratulrahim.

It's a complete opposite in my case. I may care about my friends but I don't show or demonstrate it enough.

Singles at the Workplace

2006-07-05T23:19:00.000+08:00

I was buying lunch this afternoon and this colleague came up to my side and jokingly commented I need to eat more. I was like "Huh?" The packet rice which I was holding up was already full. And he continued "Mesti isi-isi lebih sikit. Banyak isi yang sedap tu.." as he pointed the sides of my tummy. He was apparently referring to the notion that women like their men's girth chunky and with enough meat or fats to grab upon.

Hahaha... I don't know la...

You see, singles at my workplace tend to get good-natured jibes. One of it naturally not putting on the extra flab despite all the food I take. And so they always tell me, "Ni tak lama ni... slowy but surely... once you settled down and got kids you will be like one of us... waistline go koyak..."

So tonight before going home I got a haircut at the Malay barber near my house. And when I reached home I was not in the mood to shower traces of trimmed hair off my neck but decided to do a few laps at Woodlands swimming pool instead. That did the trick and plus I will never get fat!

Never!

Mad Rush Gossip

2006-07-05T06:47:00.000+08:00

It's a mad rush to complete an article assignment, which has way way past its deadline. When you always 'jaga' your time management it's really disconcerting when such lapses occur. They derailed you. And to make it worse the magazine has got a new Editor and I'm not even sure if she's the forgiving type. There's only one way to find out.

There's been a quiet buzz going on in my office as the gossip of a resignation makes it way around. A colleague and I speculated on the reasons but we ended up going nowhere. At certain point we felt the "discussion" wasn't interesting longer. Then much much later in the afternoon came the unofficial email inviting us for the farewell lunch and that settled it. Lol. That reminded my own resignation from the previous job.

Stiff neck*

Penat Semacam!

2006-07-03T23:26:00.000+08:00

Tired one kind!

Lol .... if that's how it's translated.

Put on my jogging shoes and ran in the stadium. After 3 and half rounds I quit. I'm not gonna go there.

Something funny happened in the office. A friend MSN me to lend him 30K. I knew he was jesting, so I replied him to do something unmentionable -- that made me blurted out in laughter in-front of my PC.

That wasn't so nice laughing out of a sudden -- for you do not want to attract unnecessary attention in the office.

In the late afternoon a group of us went to the old school where we're supposed to relocate for about 2 years while the new building is under construction. What an old fogey of a building... but damn it... it has character! I look forward for the moving out day!

I'm seeing so much publicity for the upcoming Singapore 2006. Now depending on how you look at it -- it's pretty exciting because I'll be involved in liaison/secretariat/protocol stuff. A group of us from the workplace was selected/volunteered, again, depending on how you look at it, had gone for the training last month and now we're just waiting for our specific assignment.

Come what may -- anything, anything to take me out of the office and meet more people! Have you taken your pic for the 4 million smiles?

Old Balanced

2006-07-01T02:07:00.000+08:00

It's touted as the Ultimate X-Terrain Challenge 20 August 2006. Road 6km, sand 1.6km and Trail 2.4km. Title Sponsor and Official Sports Equipment New Balance should have not used this print ad. What were they thinking? This is more like Annihilation Wanton Run 2006. Insects and worms don't stand a chance in the onslaught and man 'die-die' must have his way during his puny run.

I'm a naturalists so I tend to see trampelled worms, dragonflies and butterflies as unnecessary even if they're fakes. And with that tagline -- this ad is crass.

A crushed butterfly sets in motion a chain of events. The New Balance management needs to read Ray Bradbury's A Sound of Thunder. Following that, they ought to quit the ad for it has successfully tied the brand up with that path of destruction perception and being unfriendly to the ecosystem. That's the last thing you want to create -- negative perception of your brand.

Adidas and Nike would never allow such blunder.

Jars of Clay

2006-06-29T22:18:00.000+08:00

Too long of an absence is not a good thing -- but that's the way it is nowadays when I reach home from work, pretty much uninspired physically. If this blog were my lover, she'd leave me without hesitation.

But she's powerless as I come in and go on my own terms.

Now I shan't fill this entry with how my work commitment lately has played a big part in my not blogging. I want to give that a rest. I am reading this book [funny I still find the time to read though] called Peak of Eloquence -- Sermons, Letters and Sayings of Imam Ali ibn Abu Talib. And I came upon this part which I would like to share with you.

Sermon 232

Causes for difference in the features and traits of people.

"They differ among themselves because of the sources of their clay [from which they have been created]. This is because they are either from saltish soil or sweet soil or from rugged earth or soft earth. They resemble each other on the basis of the affinity of their soil and they differ according to its difference. Therefore, sometimes a person of handsome features is weak in intelligence, a tall statured person is of low courage, a virtuous person is ugly in appearance, a short statured person is far-sighted, a good-natured person has an evil trait, a person of perplexed heart has bewildering mind and a sharp-tongued person has a wakeful heart".

I just couldn't help it but feel hmm... wonderful after reading that.

All my life I have been reading character analysis from bits of Jung, Myers Briggs personality approaches and some Darwin essays, but this simple sermon did it for me big time.

Subhan Allah!

The Sick Man

2006-05-29T21:51:00.000+08:00

everyday is a winding road
was he even here yesterday?

when

the thought of her crossed

his mind

and the scent in his palm
flowed through his veins
as the night said it's late, too late

all while

he's walking the path home.

Anti-climax

2006-05-24T22:21:00.000+08:00

Hahahaa... American Idol finale this year is really one big mess. First they voted in Katherine McShriek and America got duped by her father's crocodile tears. WTF, never in my life I've seen a grownup man so fu#king 'cengeng' -- crybaby. He's been at it almost every week. It's a huge turnoff, really.

And now after listening to the finalists' so-called new singles -- I do hope he cries even harder because the songs, especially his daughter's My Destiny was one bad, insipid music. Not even all that Boston Conservatory education & training could save her sorry pretentious ass.

McShriek's good when she's singing straight-on melodies that have an intimate feel to them. She however cannot do runs, cannot do Whitney. She cannot sing ballads with lush accompaniment and to have the choir backing her up was just a waste of time! Isn't it wonderful that the AI producers chose to magnify her weakness this way?

I'm just glad my favourite, least-appreciated, least-pimped, Elliott went out last week -- sparing him further agony from all that machiavellian AI ways. Lol! Now I'm speaking like a bitter Elliott fan. Hahahaa...

I guess geriatric-looking Taylor's the AI5.

Leonardo

2006-05-21T21:38:00.000+08:00

I was so close in my decision to not waking up at all this morning, but I remembered I had to do the Big Walk with some colleagues. I hate trading off Sunday mornings with this mass orgy. More so after coming home late the previous night.

Watched The Da Vinci Code with M. Thank goodness they've made the film because I've always wanted to know what's the big hoopla was with Dan Brown's book. I may have the patience and tenacity to read Middlemarch and Ulysses but not necessarily the right frame of mind for Code. I'm a snob like this, I know.

Anyways, now I know why most Catholics and Christians are up in arm on this. The book is essentially about the search for the Holy Grail and Dan Brown's theory of the Sacred Feminine is provocative. Who would have thought that Christ wanted a woman to lead the Church?

The Church's presentation of Mary Magdalene as a not very wholesome person and who was always associated with the dangers of the flesh is pretty obvious to even a non-Christian like myself. In western literature canon some authors depict her as a whore. In this form, she typified the prevailing attitudes towards women and sex. Hell, there was a lot of misogyny back then.

Another central question is Christ's resurrection. The book, [in the film, at least] through various dialogues suggest otherwise. This is important stuff for Christians because their whole faith depends on it. If Christ be not risen, then what? The Christian religion is meaningless without a resurrection to look forward to.

And what about Brown's Sacred Feminine? The book purports the bloodline of Christ that still lives! Through Mary, no less! This novel advocates the thesis that Jesus was in fact married to Mary Magdalene, that they had a child together, and that this "truth" was covered up by the church for self-serving reasons.

Urgh... I think I stop here and type something irrelevant now.

I love Audrey Tautou in Amelie, Dirty Pretty Things and The Long Engagement. And now I had the pleasure of watching her in The Da Vinci Code.

Leonardo' genius

The mind sees what it chooses wants to see. I'd really love to see this magnificent work.

But I did get the chance to see this in Lourve. Overated and one scary "lady". Rubenesque was definitely 'in' during Leonardo's time. I told M I don't care for 'over-fleshy' women at all. Lol!

Tautou. Hmmpff! Much better!

I'm Not What I Have ...

2006-05-17T21:28:00.000+08:00

Hello there.

A colleague of mine had given birth to a beautiful baby girl last 26 April. Marvellous! And I'm only finding the time to blog about this now. Pathetic indeed.

Since then the PAP returned to government with a new mandate.

Gomez got grilled by the police. What do you expect?

And in where I live, a cluster of flats in Woodlands will finally get the lift stopovers on every floors. I'm so thrilled.

Iran's Ahmadinejad visited Indonesia to step up his ante on the country nuclear program. Arabisation, and protest-proned students of Indonesia adored him.

Celebrated my old man's birthday last Sunday!

Went out with M on a hot-air balloon. Hah! The balloon went up real high, but it was static. The urban landscape however was breathtaking.

Finally watched The Return, a film by Andrey Zvyagintsev. Did I get the spelling right?

Have not been practising.

Merapi has erupted.

My lovehandles are not cooperating lately. They're so unsightly on just about every angle I look in the mirror. Hah!

And I'm pushing fast to complete a project plus the external audit looms next week. Encountered some bizarre staff behaviour during an internal ISO audit but, whatever! The show must go on.

The last time I checked I'm still barely breathing, it's not that bad, really.

I'm not what I have and I'm not what I do.

Turning old school now -- listening to Prince's Purple Rain followed by some Gymnopedie no 1 & 3.

Elliot Yamin

2006-04-30T16:02:00.000+08:00

You're in ad nauseaum territory when you begin to blog about American Idol. But I just have to -- especially when in this season there is Elliot Yamin.

Serious talent.

Everyone knows this guy can sing and he's a slow burner indeed. This number in my blog is a great example of his artistry -- it speaks volume. He's so good that I'm not even sure the bulk of American voters get him.

No Topic

2006-04-28T07:13:00.000+08:00

Woke up feeling weird. Can't quite pin this state of mind and hence this entry.

You'd normally recognise any stream of thought and this is what INTJs always do [me, at least] -- but this morning attempts to monitor the inner dialogue in me and try to match it to what I want it to be seemed vacant.

Deepthroat

2006-04-19T23:57:00.000+08:00

These days going to the doctor means having to consume stuff you never heard of -- just to get well. I didn't know some of them were so pretty-looking like sweets but the appearance can be deceiving as most of them taste horrid. I actually had to lace my water with a bit of sugar to help me gulp these things. I don't know if that's adviseable and I'm such a chicken shit when it comes to these things.

It's strange that my old folks can down a glass of 'ubat periok' [that's traditional medicinal herbs boiled in water] with such ease and here I am gagging at the slightest touch of paracetamol down my throat.

Anyways I'm not too sure why the doctor gave me too much medicine, it's just a common flu damnit! The medical clerk did inform me of what these were for but I guess I wasn't paying much attention. The prospect of getting a 2-day MC was all I wanted to savour at that point of time.

And I was not too happy with the list of medicine too and so I googled them. I love my family doctor you know but I just want to be sure. You all can sue him on my behalf for malpractice if I don't make it ok?

The orange and red capsule is the anti-biotics Amoxil. It is used to treat a range of bacterial infections. These may be infections of the chest (pneumonia), tonsils (tonsillitis), sinuses (sinusitis), urinary and genital tract, skin and fleshy tissues.

The pink one is Dexchlorpheniramine or market name PolaraX. Dexchlorpheniramine is used to treat sneezing, runny nose, itching, watery eyes, hives, rashes, itching, and other symptoms of allergies and the common cold. I think this is the first time I'm having these.

There are two white pills you see in the pic. One is the humble paracetamol and the other I think is an antacid of sorts -- I'm not too sure, plus I'm supposed to chew them.

The last one, the white and blue capsule is Napan -- a mefenamic acid that is commonly used to relive pain particularly associated with menstruation. Yup that's what I got from google unless I'm now too groggy to type or read accurately. Geez... now I'm bleeding?

Whatever it takes to cure me la doctor.

'night.

This Can't Be Good, Can It?

2006-04-17T23:50:00.000+08:00

Thought of hitting the sheets after the previous entry.

But Britney sings this song and I just have to change the radio-button. The first few bars on the piano -- now that's haunting stuff. A pretty depressing but cathartic song if you could imbue your personal experiences onto it.

.
.
.
.

Mood: Self-indulgent, though I prefer the Malay word shiok sendiri.

This can't be good -- blogging past 11pm on a Monday night.

Merapi

2006-04-17T22:38:00.000+08:00

Recent increase in the volcanic activities of Mount Merapi has prompted a volcanologist to raise the alert status on the volcano from vigilant to standby. The alert level is just below the most serious warning -- beware -- that usually precedes an eruption.

I really hope the folks living on the slopes of that volcano heed this warning. You got to love these people, you know especially the farmers who work the land for frugal subsistence. Though Merapi is in central Java -- I've seen folks like them up close working the padi fields when I was in Lombok. Images like that tend to stay in my mind forever and keep me grounded.

'Night.

I Just Pimped My Daughters

2006-04-16T15:31:00.000+08:00

There is so much write-up on who's who in the GE and how SM fielded questions [admirably or not; depends on how you look at it] from a bunch of young voters. Same story. Same old record. Yawn.

But the news, which derailed me from all that election buzz was the sordid story of incest.

There was this monster who raped his own daughters -- with help from his wives. I have to admit I was really uncomfortable reading that story in the Straits Times, especially so when it reported how the monster subverted parts of the Quran to justify incest.

Equally shocking too when I read how the monster's wives played pimp by cajoling their daughters to heinous acts. Motherfuc@@s! These people ought to be shot!

Remember some years ago there was this phony religious teacher who had many wives, one of them was a polytechnic student? Apparently many still find sharing a husband acceptable. I know I'm threading a delicate line here what with the Quran says that a Muslim man is allowed to have four wives at the same time and I certainly know the social context, history and implications when such a dictum falls in place during the Prophet's time and era.

I just find it hard to find any polygamous marriages that I respect these days.

Ok ok ... just to clarify things here and do a bit of education for readers because what good of this blog if it fails to do its part to inform, right? Lol! Anyways...

The Quran says, ''marry only one". The context of this phrase is the following verse from Surah Nisa -- "Marry woman of your choice in twos' threes' or fours' but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly, [with them], then only one" [Al-Qur'an 4:3]

Before the Qur'an was revealed, there was no upper limit for polygyny and many men had scores of wives, some even hundreds. The word Harem comes to mind here.

Islam put an upper limit of four wives. Islam gives a man permission to marry two, three or four women, only on the condition that he deals with them justly.

In the same chapter i.e. Surah Nisa verse 129 says, "It is very difficult to be just and fair between women". [Al-Qur'an (4:129)]

Therefore polygyny is not a rule but an exception.

Many people are under the misconception that it is compulsory for a Muslim man to marry more than one wife, and sadly that monster's story only perpetuates this.

April is the Cruellest Month ...

2006-04-09T19:26:00.000+08:00

... and I don't mean that in a T. S. Elliot obscure, hopeless, elegiac, soul-searching, moral decay kind of way haha -- I just think nights here in Singapore are gettin' hotter and more humid than ever. The fan in my bedroom has been working endlessly each night -- I won't be surprised if it emits smokes of 'burnout' one of these days.

On nights like these I wish I'd know how it feels like to be a seal pup on the polar caps. Just look at that face! All praise to God!

No Troubles To Speak Of

2006-03-30T21:55:00.000+08:00

I'm waiting what's in store for me tomorrow.

My contract with the organisation is renewable annually and I'm just curious how the past months would be reflected. Yes -- it's been that long. Come 18th April would mark my 1st year working in this organisation. Though I'm aware of my performance appraisal, nothing beats having that piece of contract signed and confirmed. Otherwise I'm just a clause in the contract.

I've been having doubts lately, on just about everything except God. Yeah -- if you ask me I just love doing that, second-guessing my own ability and not forgiving myself when things don't go too well or smooth. It can be stiffling if one has no troubles to speak of. You need them to constantly push you.

On a side note -- it's going to be a scrambling weekend as I need to settle some tasks I couldn't complete all week! I know this is terribly inefficient of me but sometimes idling makes me more human. Heh... I'm flawed and I've transcended into my own glorious rut and shortcomings!

"And it makes me feel so fine

I can’t control my brain"

-- Weezer

Well whadaya know? GE's coming and with it the Progress Package. This is almost as good as putting people on a dole. Because even the unemployed get a share of the surplus, cool! Lol.

What Caught my Eye

2006-03-22T23:07:00.000+08:00

When buying new CDs I can make the best and the worst of purchases. And since musical taste is entirely subjective, I can only hope the bad choice I made will grow on me as I continue to listen. I recently bought 2 CDs. Comfort Music 1 - a compilation of Artistes from label Real Music, the other Walk in the Sun by Jeanette Alexander.

Comfort Music 1 is a beautiful compilation of soothing music from Real Music. Guitars are featured prominently on most of the tracks, but there are also flutes, keyboards, voices, and other instruments. Warm and optimistic, the CD is gently uplifting and provides a nice massage for the mind.

Alas -- this is a classic example where I chose a CD because the cover CD intrigues me. It's a painting of a woman in deep cacoon-like sleep. Next to her sprouts some off-white flowers and in the horizon above her is a ship with full mast sails, but is in perfect stillness! The whole imagery is evocative of that dreamy, new world state with some hint of savagery that I can't quite pin down. And I just love the way the illustrator combines these elements together and allows you to reach to your own ideas. But I guess the music in this CD speaks for itself!

If you want to hear samples of the stuff - Here it is.

You Gotta Give It To Him

2006-03-14T22:47:00.000+08:00

Boo hoo... I guess nowadays even mass murderers have their ardent followers. What a twisted world!

An Umrah Send off

2006-03-07T19:50:00.000+08:00

I did not plan sending off my sister and her family at the airport today. But when she called me up to chat, you know that obligatory goodbyes and please pray for our safety and all that -- I started to have this lump in my throat. And when she's done talking with me, she passed the phone to her kids; my nephew and niece. I love them more than anything in this world.

Five minutes after the conversation ended I felt I wasn't in the mood to continue working. The sense of parting was overwhelming and I had to seek my boss' permission to leave early. I called my brother to tell the whole lot of them not to leave the departure area just yet. 'Wait for me, please...' I said over the phone, 'I'm already in the taxi leaving Braddell.'

In any moment in which I'm experiencing thoughts that make me feel sick or bad, I do my best to change them. But it irked me why I didn't plan it in advance. For that I'm thankful for having a good and understanding boss. And I'm thankful too, for that taxi driver who sensed my anxiety to get to Terminal One quickly and, safely. I never reserve thanks to taxi drivers eversince I left my phone in the taxi, but this one had the uncanny ability to read my restless mind!

Got me thinking, everyone who's ever played any role in my life, as having been sent to me for my benefit. They're put there by Him for a purpose.

When Your Life Falls Apart

2006-02-28T21:17:00.000+08:00

This afternoon an ex-colleague sms me someone from our previous company has been jailed 5 years for forgering company cheques amounting more than $400k. Good grief... I know the fella, and upon reading the news in the ST today all I can say is -- he has my sympathy.

This morning a cyclist knocked me while I was on my way to work. I nearly sprawled on the pavement and got cuts on my knees. Amazingly my pants didn't show any tear. It wasn't until I was in the train that I noticed the bleeding. When it happened I just wanted to scream at the cyclist but I stopped when I realised he didn't understand what I was prattling about. Apparently he was one of those foreign workers who spoke only Chinese -- with you know that particular mainland China or whatever accent even my Chinese friends find difficult to comprehend.

He was actually thrown off his bicycle. [I don't know how that happened, but it did.] Then he was polite enough to show concern by saying something or apologising something -- profusely and even helped pick my haversack. So our worlds collided -- briefly.

And I thought the start of this morning was really bad.

Then came along that sms.

Imprisonment. Poor guy, it's dangerous how desperation corners you into a place where you fall deep and hard and escape is simply non-existent.

I'm sitting here in my room, typing this and I'm thinking -- Be thankful for the wonderful gift of being able to serve humanity, your planet, and your God.

Bloody cliche man... But it's true.

Getting Lost

2006-02-26T22:11:00.000+08:00

I bought two books from Borders last week and I only managed to begin on one of them today. Could've started early as I got tied up in some other mundane matters -- but the wait was worth it! It's Gabriel Garcia Marquez's Memories of My Melancholy Whores. The other book, a compilation of short stories I gave it to my nephew whom I visited last Sunday at the hospital. I sort of gave it to him so that he could while his time away in that awful place.

I can still remember the smell of disinfectant. I imagine if I'm hospitalised I'd be a difficult patient.

I'm a big Marquez fan and I've been reading his novels ever since I got a copy of Love in the Time of Cholera. Arrgh... exquisite stuff. Just like Time of Cholera and 100 Years of Solitude, Melancholy Whores has managed to bring me into that world where I'm just contented to be a listener and observer of lives I can't possibly experience. I just get lost in words.

I'm past writting synopsis here, but this is from the publisher -- just in case you're interested in the book.

"On the eve of his ninetieth birthday, our unnamed protagonist - an undistinguished journalist and lifelong bachelor - decides to give himself "the gift of a night of wild love with an adolescent virgin."" The virgin, whom an old madam procures for him, is splendidly young, with the silent power of a sleeping beauty. The night of love blossoms into a transforming year. It is a year in which he relives, in a rush of memories, his lifetime of (paid-for) sexual adventures and experiences a revelation that brings him to the edge of dying - not of old age, but, at long last, of uncorrupted love."

I couldn't wait for the paperback and had to be poorer by S$27.95

He Gives Some

2006-02-19T08:08:00.000+08:00

and then He takes some away.

One of my nephews, the second one, had been in an accident yesterday. What is it with motorcycles and Malay youths especially guys? Is it like some adulthood rites of passage? I don't get it. He was lucky the injury was not severe but it was enough scrapes to be hospitalised for a minor op. I was damn upset when I heard this news, and to think this happened while he still has a few months to complete his OCS training. Totally fcuk@d.

But shukran... shukran* God. I take this piece of news as it is. It could've been worse.

*grateful

Bridge in the Forest Canopy

2006-02-18T12:53:00.000+08:00

The 250m suspension bridge.

Who would've thought such gems can be found here? This bridge will allow nature lovers to come up close to the rich flora and fauna of the forest canopy. Cool. Even if you didn't notice much around you -- just take in the vista.

The HSBC TreeTop Walk showed me there are indeed many natural places in Singapore worth visiting and preserving. Sometimes you don't have to travel that far -- sanctuary is right here amidst us all. And as you awaken to your divine nature, you'll begin to appreciate beauty in everything you see, touch, and experience.

In all, it was a good Saturday morning walk with the folks from my workplace.

Duracell Bunny

2006-02-16T22:25:00.000+08:00

Everything is in a mess as I'm consumed by work. If there is a Duracell bunny of me it would have stopped marching a long time ago. What keep me going you may ask? It's the work satisfaction and the small little personal successes I achieved at the office. How much longer can one keep up at this level? I seriously don't know -- I guess I have to wait for my appraisal end March.

I collected my Fujitsu notebook from the service centre at Takashimaya yesterday. The change of hardisk due to bad sectors set me $290 poorer. That bloody amount excluded service charge and GST. Anyway, the girl who manned the counter really needed to work on her softskills. Imagine talking to her friend on her handphone while entering some data in the system -- all while attending me. The service was really lame. Half the time I was hoping she'd say something rude during the encounter so I could have an excuse to create a bit of a mayhem. The other half I was too busy nursing my runny nose.

Side note. Today coming home my old man mentioned to me that he was worried because our next door neighbour, who lives alone, doesn't seem to respond when he knocked on the door. "Why did you do that?" I asked him. He said he saw traces of oil or some unknown substance seeping out from the door and the doorsteps. God bless that old man of mine as he began to imagine my neighbour could have fainted la, what la and no one really knows for sure or takes notice. I nearly gave a snigger but I didn't. I told him let's wait tomorrow as this neighbour of ours is seldom seen in the first place. He might be working irregular shifts, he might be a super recluse -- so let's just see. "Ok", said my old man.

Throughout the conversation I tried to assuage myself for this lack of apathy and I just hope we don't start to smell a stench coming next door.

Alrightee. 5 things to look forward.

1. My pet project of a little website -- I sure hope it's coming along fine.
2. My project with some colleagues has finally taken to a cohesive output. It's just a matter of streamlining it a bit more.
3. This Sunday.
4. O2 Atom.
5. A new guitar score to play.

'Night.

What a Headache!

2006-02-06T22:22:00.000+08:00

I can't remember the last time I got home, straightaway dashed into my room and crawled in bed -- still in my office pants and long-sleeved shirt. Only a splitting headache will do that me.

I woke around 8pm to continue whatever that I usually do when I got home -- shower, dinner, prayers and stuff.

Keeping this short.

'Night.

Leave My Prophet Out of This

2006-02-03T22:23:00.000+08:00

Last September the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten published images, caricatures, call it whatever you like, of the Prophet Muhammad. What is so wrong with these folks? Why are they so dark and bent on destroying the goodwill of millions of Muslims all over the world?

It just breaks my heart to see so much ill done on someone who I dearly love, my Saviour.

And as if to demonstrate solidarity and in a calculated move championing freedom of speech cause, papers in Germany, France and Italy began to reprint the images. I'm telling you I'm a great believer in freedom of speech and it's beginning to be a major yawn for me already. But I find it hard to understand why educated people with influence can be so dumb.

If street protestations and angry hue and cry are the reactions the publishers expect from good Muslims, pseudo Muslims, Muslims of every shades and ilk, then they certainly had it coming.

France newspaper Soir published the cartoons under the headline, "Yes, one has the right to caricature God." I can accept this. But dear editors why do it when you know there'd be social unrest like the one in Denmark? Where has commonsense gone to?

So what do we have here? A whole lot of crappy assertions.

The editor asserts, '"Yes, one has the right to caricature God."
The wannabe Osamas assert, "Yes, one has the right to kill western infidels."
The gun-toting villain asserts, "Yes, one has the right to buy weapons."
The misguided martyrs assert, "Yes, one has the right to a bevy of virgins in paradise."
The talented Rushdie asserts, "Yes, one has the right to write Satanic Verses Part 2."

This is tiresome. Ain't it stupid?

Summersnail asserts, "Yes, one has the right to wake up past 8 tomorrow morning."

We Should Have More of This

2006-02-01T00:34:00.000+08:00

A four-day holiday break strategically placed throughout the year.
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My is neck is stiff and my shoulders aren't exactly co-operating. Too much bummin' I guess -- dangerously turning me into a hyperchondriac, when simple laps in the swimming pool would be the answer to my needs.

This week I'm staying away [trying to] from chocolates and oily foods and surrounding myself with high-energy people. Well what can I say? The holidays are over but if it's any consolation this is a short week.

That Day, What a Mess, Absolutely Perfect

2006-01-30T00:31:00.000+08:00

We thought of having a picnic on the first day of Chinese NewYear -- apparently a quarter of the island population had the same freakin' idea. In all my life I've never seen so many tents pitched on a strip of beach, it was ridiculous!

And to think we went to East Coast Park to just kick it, relax and have a picnic by the beach -- how wrong we were. M and I had to walk quite a bit just to find an acceptable spot.

But as soon as we got there, the rest of the day simply melt into one blurry, blissful daze. Funny how chemicals & neurons in your body and brain conjure the right mix to make you feel that way. Any imbalance and I'd be a raving lunatic.

Ah well... the weeks' wretchedness gone deep into the warm beach sands -- you know you'd never get to experience these moments ever again.

Can't Sleep

2006-01-28T03:55:00.000+08:00

And so I'm reading my Power of Intention Cards. Here's one --

In an attitude of allowing, all resistance in the form of thoughts of negativity or doubt are replaced with simply knowing that you and your Source are one and the same.

Sheesh... This is nothing new -- idea of the willingness of the innerself to submit to Him.

Then again this hit me hard as I'm always drawn to cards and sleek packaging.

Hectic Can Wait

2006-01-28T01:52:00.000+08:00

Work at the office has been hectic -- sometimes I think I got my plates full. I keep telling myselft to be mindful on this and if I don't stick to my plan much will be in disarray. Challenges of tasks ahead excite me and I'd be raring to go sit and design and conceptualise things off my head, but despite all that energy somehow, I always manage be fall one or two steps behind. I blame two things -- distractions in the office, mostly unrelated to the task itself and poor execution.

I've not been anywhere lately. Not even to Causeway Point -- that insipid place where lately, I have my dinner. What to do -- the folks went to HKG to stay with my sister for more than a month now. A guy's got to feed himself and my limited cooking abilities is not helping matters. Tonight's dinner was a take-away order no.2 from LJS.

PSB Corporation really took their time with this one. Last Tuesday I got the results of my ISO 9001:2000 Lead Auditor exams. Heck, as long as I passed, it didn't matter that we took the exams in Dec 19th, last year -- the wait was worth it! My happiness however was shortlived as I'm reminded of the ISO task ahead next month. Oh well...

Oh mannn.... the holidays, the freakin' holidays, are finally here... Have a great & prosperous Lunar New Year!

It's The Same Every Year

2006-01-14T13:27:00.000+08:00

Each Haj season awaits somekind of death news, regardless of the scale of tragedy. You're here in Singapore and all you can do is read the papers or see the news and react in your most personal capacity.

More than 345 people, were dead Thursday in a stampede during Haj on the last day of the symbolic stoning of the devil ritual in Mecca. The casualties are said to be mainly Egyptian and Indonesian pilgrims.

Reports are saying the pilgrims tripped over luggage.

Some are blaming the pilgrims for not following the schedules fixed by the Saudi authorities. In some papers the word "ill-disciplined" was used to describe pilgrims who disobey certain rules and procedures instituted to ensure safe pilgrimage for all. I just think these people are deeply passionate in the Holy land. Who isn't?

Apparently many of these pilgrims insisted on doing the stoning rite in the afternoon despite previous fatwa [religious ruling] that said timing shall not be a factor. Still people went ahead. Why?

May He bless and grant them peace. Amin.

Service to Others

2006-01-10T20:01:00.000+08:00

"If you want to find your true purpose in life, know this for certain -- Your purpose will only be found in service to others, and in being connected to something far greater than your body, mind, and ego."
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You know I really like that quote, but I'm finding it hard to bring it close to me.

Verdict: I'm still looking for this.

Didn't write much after the new year -- I wanted to know how it feels like not to blog for a few weeks, but it turned out that abstinence wasn't even necessary as I'm not addicted to this in the first place.

Worked up early today and did the Eid ul-Adha prayers at Ba'alwi Mosque. I can't explain it but this mosque has such a powerful attraction to me that everytime I go there my mind is crystal clear and focus and I just feel calm. It's uncanny.

My father used to take me there when I was just a toddler. Could it be due to that earlier affinity? Or am I just doing another silly reminisce here?

"I'm leaving you for good," whispers 2006.

2006-01-01T00:15:00.000+08:00

"I know. And don't look back," says 2005 as it gives away its last moments. For last year's words belong to last year's language. And next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning -- so that the future may be certain.

"Remember me time to time, though..."

"I will."

Come Away With Me

2005-12-23T20:40:00.000+08:00

The holidays are finally here. Is not that I'm taking a block of annual leave -- I'm accumulating those till next year. I'm just glad it's a long weekend and that I can finally spend and give some quality time with M. A corporate director dropped by in the office today and asked me if I'm taking any leave. I said no and joked that singles like myself don't normally take leave during conventional holiday seasons.

Some friends asked me out to the movies tonight to watch Narnia. That didn't go through.

The one thing that I'd miss this Christmas, no doubt -- my ex-colleagues and their Christmas idiosyncracies. I hope they're doing fine. Take care folks.

I was at Popular just now and after so much indeciveness I finally bought John Banville's The Sea. It's this year's Man Booker Prize winner and I'm such a klutz not to mention a snob for putting so much faith on the outcome of this competition. Why I'm saying this is because after reading 23 pages of The Sea -- I've yet to derive that personal pleasure. I know that is so bloody subjective, maybe it's still too early in the novel, but that's what it is -- a matter of personal taste that basically governs everything I read.

Some Man Booker Prize winners in the past really carried me away and I can't enthuse enough.

1997 - Arundhati Roy, The God of Small Things
1999 - J M Coetzee, Disgrace
2000 - Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin and shortlisted Matthew Kneale, English Passengers
2002 - Yann Martel, The Life of Pi
2003 - DBC Pierre, Vernon God Little

Not all winners got my Sin dollar$ mind you. In 1995 I chose Barry Unsworth's Morality Play over the winner, Pat Barker's The Ghost Road. I thought that was a smart decision as I still find the novel mesmerizing after all these years. Yes, I tend to re-read.

Class Over Folks!

2005-12-19T23:14:00.000+08:00

Exams over but I'm not particularly thrilled as I hate parting ways with my classmates. I sure have some fond memories with this group and it's great to know that they are within 'reach' via just a click of an email. I even have a classmate all the way from Myanmar who invited me to visit him should I travel to the country. Nice fella, talented and driven, too. He's so young and he already has a Ph.D and a CPA and now he's running an Audit and Consultancy Services and a Management and Accountancy Training school. Imaging that.

It's also interesting to note the general make-up of participants in this course -- all of them seem to be doing well in their careers. Still, the great leveller would be that exam results. No one felt outwardly confident after the 2-hour paper was due. It was that tough -- and I'm still dripping ISO 9001:2000 clauses out of my ears as I'm typing this.

But what's done is done. We said our thanks and goodbyes and left the premise.

Dinner tonight was a packet of Nasi goreng kampung, pretty heavy. I'm supposed to abstain or reduce eating fried stuff but what an awful temptation that was. It required all my strength and will power to yield to it.

I Check My Vital Sign

2005-12-18T14:00:00.000+08:00

The ISO Lead Auditor course ends tomorrow and that will also be the day participants sit for the exams. I personally find exams tedious, not difficult, but tedious. I mean -- all that prep work plus I’m not big on taking notes in class; preferring instead class discussions and presentations. Still, I'm doing a bit of mugging to play it safe -- blogging inclusive. No choice here I guess, otherwise I would be out somewhere enjoying the rest of the afternoon.

There are seven of us in the classroom and this is the first time I’m among like-minded people who take their ISO 9000, 9004 and 9001:2000 seriously and passionately. Lol.. I’ve never seen QMS, continual improvement, audit methods, systems & process approach and ISO clauses enthused so much all within the four walls of the training room -- it’s wonderfully absurd. I’m telling you my vital signs have been good due to this interaction.

This entry is also for my nephew Aiman [I have so many *rakyat its ridiculous… lol] who got his posting after BMT. Looks like another 9 months training for you but this time in OCS. Never thought you made it past BMT [see my 10th Sep post] because I remembered you told me you just couldn’t bring yourself, [who could? lol] to poo in the jungle -- anyways all the best!

* nephews and nieces

Pergi Mu Tuan...

2005-12-12T23:25:00.000+08:00

I was re-reading Seamus Heaney's Beowulf when suddenly this pang of shame came to me. I've forgotten all about the man who was much closer to home than Heaney ever was with his masterful translation of the Anglo-Saxon epic tradition Beowulf.

Shame.

A night like this deserves a reading on one of Masuri's sublime poems.

Waktu Dipanggil

mengusik hati ni
boleh mungkinnya beralih
kehidupan dari dunia beralih
kehidupan dari dunia sini
ke dunia lain yang telah tertulis

bagaimana mahu menahu
masa muka yang bukan miliku
mementukan entah kapan
kau berangkat meninggalkan bumi
alam yang bakal tinggal di rumah

mengigat dan memikir
otakmu makin fakir
tak satu pun mungkin mencungkil
erti dari peralihan yang bakal menampil

begini saja - baik-baik kau di sini
sementara bernafas bertingkah diri;
waktu bila kau bakal dipanggil
nantikan saja dengan rasa diri kerdil.

Masuri SN
[1927 - 2005]

Fantastic Break and Canon in D

2005-12-12T21:27:00.000+08:00

The time has come for me to leave the workplace -- for a week at least, because starting tomorrow I'm attending a course on ISO Lead Auditor and won't be back in the office till 20 Dec 2005. I've been mulling on this for quite a bit now and I certainly welcome the change of pace. Even though one has to take and pass the examination at the end of the course, in a twisted sense -- I still view this as a fantastic break. C'est la vie.

On a more niggling matter, I'm afraid I won't have the time to write something for the magazine. Much of this week has been originally planned for research but I've yet to propose a concrete story idea to the editor.

I've also started to learn Pachelbel's Canon in D on the guitar. I finally got the score I like from the Internet and I have decided to go for that rather than Beethoven's Fur Elise. These are indeed commonplace classical tunes but the guitar transcription evokes a different story, emotion and texture sound experience altogether. Having said all these, boy, my sight reading sure sucks!

One Love One Life

2005-12-11T12:32:00.000+08:00

You live your life to the best and the fullest that you can. Now I've no idea what is the best and the fullest, because all I know is that I'm trying to survive in this world that is increasingly cruel and incomprehensible. I'm just another entity waiting for his next butterfly effect that may have already started in another part of the world. I always ask this of myself -- what is my consequence and the end of me? Though I've been evading this, I think I know -- it's probably the hardcore individualism in me -- where I'm a fierce believer in the primary importance of the individual, the virtues of self-reliance and personal independence.

I'm fed-up actually, I'm fed-up because I'm habouring too much expectations of what is the right thing to do in life - by society designs. I could admonish social norms and convention but I'm not defiant nor am I living on the periphery mind you -- I just wish I wasn't conditioned this way. That's all. That it took me so many years to realise and correct the wrongs in my life, is indeed a rather bitter thing to accept.

By the age of 12 or earlier, you're already in the system. You're expected to finish secondary school, you' re expected to finish your A levels. Then it's off to NS, then you continue with the paper chase. Bless you if you decide to go another path because chances are you already knew in your hearts of hearts what you want in life. But if you were like me, you'd have to work for a couple of years to make it out there on your own. Marriage? Lol! That's another issue altogether.

I could've just snap and went berserk in the mind, but I'm not, I can't. And sometimes I hate it when I'm in this thought process, this existential streak stupor. It's not healthy!

Sigh... A Sunday entry deserves a Sunday treatment.

I'm in the system for too long now and I've spent numerous times separating myself based on the size of my paycheck, the job that I hold, the colour of my skin, the friends that I keep, the heritage I come from, my physical shape and inner beauty and ugliness, and the God I believe in. There was a time when I viewed all these as a whole. But I guess holding on to that is impossible because if you did you might as well be a child all your lifetime. Only Death is the ultimate release. Then again that's not quite the end of the journey, is it? I shan't go there, because it's so fcuking tedious. But what I'm going to say is this -- We are all part of each other. We all come from the same place and we all go to Him when we die. How's that for creationism huh?

Periodontal

2005-12-10T13:40:00.000+08:00

You know I can stand the sight of blood because I used to help out in the Korban rites during * Eidul Adha. I'm not the squirmish type - but when I bloghopped to http://perioan.blogspot.com/ it's a different thing altogether. Dammit.

It's a professional link for periodontal disease control and dental implantation. Kudos to this guy for making this topic as direct and clinical as possible and in the most gruesome manner.

Brush your teeth often and brush them right folks! And remember to visit your friendly dentist. Lol!

* Hari Raya Haji

Kong

2005-12-07T07:30:00.000+08:00

Though I've heard of this movie and even played the Atari game [I'm so old school right..] I never had the chance to see previous versions of King Kong especially the one which has Jessica Lange in it. [Images of Kong scaling the Empire State Building and Lange screaming at the top of her voice still persist] Perhaps this one by Peter Jackson will do it for me as I exorcise this fascination once and for all.

You're A Waste of My Time!

2005-12-06T23:08:00.000+08:00

I'm here to facilitate, NOT be a fcuking nanny. You're a complete waste of my time, when I had to remind you of the

obvious.

A Cool Monday Night Entry

2005-12-05T19:49:00.000+08:00

Because I think it's about to rain and I'm a walking meteorological being.

After months of waiting the article I wrote finally came about. Well actually I'm kind of blase about this as I no longer feel the same excitement I used to have but my friends have been asking this for quite some time now.

I interviewed some contacts on their SOHO businesses and that story has kinda taught me a thing or two on passion - something which I'm really lacking nowadays. These people have worked really hard to setup and do what they really like and believe in. I hope the magazine circulation can give whatever exposure that's due on them. Auw shucks... ain't I a good person?

On a more stressin' note I forgot to wish happy birthday to my boss. Don't feel too good about this because he remembered mine last August. Oh dear.... I think I'll make it up tomorrow.

Terribly alone at home. All family members are overseas - HKG to be more specific. Times like these I feel much happier doing office work but who am I kidding? At times, there is so much nonsense at the workplace too.

Today someone commented in jest that life is unfair because it seemed to her that I could eat with reckless abandonment but not get fat. I nullified that unfairness by telling her that I'm a rubbish bin - accepting all kinds of food only to have my comeuppance later on in life.

While we're still on food, dinner tonight was Kway Teow noodles with loads of F&N Ice-cream soda. There's plenty of that; where it come from - Hari Raya stocks. I could chug and chug on soft drinks all night long. But I'm worried.

I'm worried because I'm running out of clean socks to wear. Now that's a real issue.

Oxygen Tank

2005-12-01T19:34:00.000+08:00

December is here. I used to change down to a lower gear in terms of productivity since the year-end holidays are just around the corner. Unfortunately my work schedules nowadays aren't very forgiving. I guess Sipadan can wait till the next diving season. Gone are my diving buddies since I come to work at this place and it is so hard to know people of the same interest. I've been going around asking but to no avail. Maybe I've not searched hard enough or maybe I approached the wrong people, I don't know.

Clear waters and the seabreeze.

KNN, Ed. Lol! If you're reading this. I blame you for introducing this sport to me and all the thrills of underwater sense of wonderment. Then again I have to thank you, too, for it brought a wealth of amazing experience to my life.

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

2005-11-25T23:26:00.000+08:00

I shan't blog details here. But he died in his sleep, that was what his sister told us when we were at the family's home.

It's been a long day for me. I reached my workplace before 11am just as I promised earlier on to my boss. I didn't feel like working at all, still, there were tasks silently screaming to be settled.

I checked my email to see if the training vendor had sent the programme outline I requested from yesterday. Nothing. What a bloody disappointment. All that talk on service blueprint and fail-safe your process and now this delay. That spurred me to call up their office and create mayhem. A few minutes later I got an apology and an assurance via SMS from the person-in-charge, who happened to be in India on a business trip!

Then I met some ex-colleagues after Friday prayers. Nothing changed these fellas. They may have put on a few kilos but their mannerisms remain constant all these years. I lingered for a good 20 minutes chatting. That was when it hit on me that friends whom I pressumed 'lost contact' are there all along and it was kind of sad that death provided us the chance to meet, even though for a moment.

No one was in the office -- as is always the case on Fridays. I took that opportunity to slump in my chair and rest for a while. The aquarium screensaver next to my cubicle gave a soothing water sound and I thought it finally made its kitschy existence useful.

Dylan Thomas' poem crept in mind as I try to catch a piece of illusive internal heaven.

Jiwa Yang Tenang ...

2005-11-24T14:36:00.000+08:00

Andi Joharri - in memoriam

"Wahai Jiwa yang Tenang kembalilah kepada Tuhanmu dengan Hati yang Puas lagi diredhai-Nya. Maka masuklah ke dalam jamaah hamba-hamba-Ku. Dan masuklah ke dalam Jannah-Ku."

Amin.

Dark Age

2005-11-23T23:48:00.000+08:00

I lost my O2 mini handphone on Monday and I was completely in the dark ages for 2 days. All those contact numbers, appointment dates, reminders & tasks, ideas & inspiration I jotted down out of nowhere, numbers of old army and reservist buddies, numbers of friends from previous workplace, numbers of my rakyat [nephews and nieces], family members, birthdates, work documents in that 1GB SD card and pictures, pictures - not to mention some very, very, very personal ones - now all in the hands of a stranger.

What an awful... what a sick-desperate feeling that surged in me upon realising it went missing. I nearly wanted to cry but was somehow engulfed with disbelief and utter regret. I called my handphone and someone on the other line actually answered but chose to remain cryptically silent. Have you already made up your mind to keep what is not yours?

To the taxi-driver or to the subsequent passenger after me, or whoever you are, I hope you'd do the right thing.

Normalcy Resumes

2005-11-14T21:09:00.000+08:00

Normalcy resumes and with it all the [if I could use this word] hangover one would associate with the passing of any celebration - expended energy. This is the worst of its kind - the feeling of fatigue and listlessness.

I guess I ate way too much during the past week and now my body seems to be telling me, "You're fcuked, now, seriously, you glutton boy!"

The first thing when I'm hit with this sort of alarm, my immediate response is to swim off the lousy feeling, which I did just now after getting back from work. Most of the time a few laps in the pool work wonders to invigorate you but tonight I still feel off.

I looked at the mirror and unless you have a perception problem or denial issue - mirrors generally don't lie. Tsk... I find it hard to tone my stomach and to compound the issue I hate doing crunches, which by the way are just about the only effective exercise to target those problematic areas.

Standing in the buff in front of the mirror just now I could still see last Friday's Muthu's Curry fish head.

Though I'm generally and genetically blessed with an ok slight frame [ok according to my standard, not the standard you'd see on the cover of Mens Health shit magazine ar..] any access food I'd take nowadays do not burn fast enough.

And talk about expended energy, if I'm too tired, I'd be lounging in my room because that IS the best form of relaxation and recharge for an INTJ like me. It'd be sweeter if I could do some quality guitar practice without any interruption. Nothing heavy, just a few etudes by Tarrega for example, which I actually managed to do before doing this entry.

Just give me my above personal space and time and I'm ready for human interaction again.

Let Me Choose One For You

2005-11-12T00:40:00.000+08:00

After dinner at Muthu's Curry we had a stroll cum conversation and M surprised me with Freud 101. I thought it was fresh and I nearly wanted to corner both her mind and mouth there and then! But I exercised restraint.

So we went to Mustafa Center because M wanted to get a bottle of perfume and I chanced on the opportunity to get rid of the curry smell on my shirt.

After about 10-15 minutes of browsing time and sampling the testers she still couldn't make up her mind. So I offered to choose for her instead. I told her not to look while I select 3 names to play it safe and that she'd have to choose one.

"No pressure," I said. She could always get that insipid Curious perfume by Britney Spears.

Lol... Dear readers, let me try this in verse, can?

Title: Awashed

I had Samsara Guerlain and So Givenchy

on my left and right wrists respectively

on my neck just below my right earlobe,

the point where I often go weak when she

whispers deep -

Sentiment Escada

give her a choice and time dalliance

and I'm awashed with dizzying rapture

letting the sweat of my skin, breaks

the molecules of scented hidden layers

of identities as she takes multiple whiffs,

and finally finds me.

At a Precipice

2005-11-04T23:36:00.000+08:00

Where do you think you going?

A Bad Host.

2005-11-04T20:38:00.000+08:00

This is the time where visits are made and received. While I do get a kick having my favourite friends and relatives coming to our house -- I simply can't bring the same level of enthusiasm to relatives whom I only see once a year. What do you call them -- the Hari Raya ghosts?

I can't fake it and most of the time I'd find myself retreating back to my room rather than having a chat with them. Thank goodness my parents are such friendly and gregarious folks -- they'd be the ones who hold the fort all day long in the spirit of festivity and good company. I'm not like them, really, and I've come to this realisation a long time ago. How I wish I had an ounce of that convivial gene, but alas I'm pretty much selective in who I make merry with.

In a nutshell, I don't make a good host -- in fact I suck at it.

And unlike other peeps who exude warmth and congeniality at the word go -- with me, you have to know me personally to find out that that I'm really a warm person. It's amazing how my friends still remain my friends after all these years and I really have to thank them for their understanding.

A Quickie

2005-11-04T09:08:00.000+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya, Eid Ul Fitr, Eid Mubarak to all bloggers who happen to come this way.

Ok that's all I could afford to write for now.

In His Hands

2005-11-02T05:37:00.000+08:00

I recall it rained on your first morning.

The skies are doing something similar now, as if to express your grief at the approach of your own departure.

I observe you but do I listen? I'd like to think that I've done what's humanly possible for me to be with you, even if it's just a tip of the iceberg and He blesses it -- I'll be glad.

It's all in His hands now.
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Mornings will never be the same without you.